Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy and here's what happening in your world tonight

sitting in class when your almost an hour in a half early is no fun, at least not when its just you and a pregnant lady and she farts and tries to play it off like nothing happen, oh but i know and i know she knows i know. Stinky hooker

My name is Danger, but you can call me Seth.

If your laying in bed with a girl and she asks, "have you ever wondered who invented kisses?" you pat her on her head and say "Jesus did baby" and roll over and go to bed.

TRUE STORY

yea she dumb, but she mine, alllllll miiiiiine

I once made a promise to myself i would never ever write about what happens to me at my job in fear of what could happen to me. after much thinking and coaxing from a friend i have decided to do away with that promise only because some of my best stories are now because of the the people i work with. to put it nicely they are all insane and here is how i deiced to prove it with some life lessons, but no real name will be used and you will never know where i work, unless of course you are ready know where i work or you work with me oh creepy if you read my blog.

TO start thing off im going to write a story that i tell a lot of people about little ol lady. yes thats the name i gave her shut up. Ok it was me Nard Dog, Mac C and Lil ol lady and we all went to grab a bite to eat at the local el chico, me and the nard dog frequented there at this time to get away from the place we call work any who we are sitting there looking at our menus figuring out what we wanted to eat so i order some cheese dip while we look the was the usual for me and the nard dog well lil ol lady starts looking at us funny and says "what is that?, What Is That?, WHAT IS THAT?" now i can do it any justice but just think about the funniest lil old lady voice saying that and you will be close. so i tell here its cheese dip "ohhhhhhh cheese?" at this point i can only Columbus find the Americas had the same reaction to finding something new so the nard dog ask if she would like to try some and she is all about some cheese dip at this time i ,mean she is going at it with fury and rage i have never seen before the whole time saying "oh it so geewd oh so geewed oh geewed" then nard dog says "he said you could try it no eat all of it" with her mouth full of cheese dip and chips she says "sorry but its so geewed" thats not the grossest part of this outing there was the simple fact that the little ol lady never realized she had cheeses dip all around her mouth, you also have to understand at el chico they sell two different types of cheese dip there is yellow and there is white we had bout the white so it looked like well i think you get the idea with out me going on if not then go rub white cheese dip all over your face an figure it out for yourself and no i didnt tell her because if i did it wouldnt be funny if i did.

El Pollo Loco

during my time off of the blog it gave me time to really think about where i have been and the journeys i have taken. OK to be honest it made me look back and be amazes that I'm still alive and able to breath normal, i wasn't the smartest kid alive.

from crashing remote control plans with my dad to putting my head threw a wall Ive been threw a lot of crazy stuff, but the time i flipped my car had to be the craziest. Yes i flipped my car going into what i think was the summer i was going into my Jr year of high school. I was driving down brush hill road and i guess i got to close to the side of the road and the next thing you know i was upside-down perfectly in my lane. that was the weird part it was as if someone picked my car up flipped it over and lay it perfectly in my lane, weird. there isn't much to think about when you upside down in a car about the only two things i though about were "damn this sucks" and " i think i need to get out of here". I wasn't in a very big hurry to get out, i wasn't hurt at all, i just was in no big hurry to deal with a car being flipped over, that's a lot for a high school to deal with. i was mostly worried about girls at this time and now i have a car that is flipped over oh great. so i UN buckle myself from the seat and yes i hung upside-down for around 5 min and yes its exactly what you think its like except maybe my heart was pounding a little harder than normal. so I'm on all fours on the roof on my car crawling out of the drivers side window. I get up from the road and start walking to the closes house and i get half way to the house and this lady comes screaming out of the house lay down omg are you ok lay down lay down. I mean I'm not going to argue with any one especially after this and knowing how lazy i am so i stop in her yard and lay down, she asks if i need anything i tell her water would be nice and bam i get some water, pretty sweet. so they call the ambulance and the whole time I'm thinking damn my parents are going to shit a whole cow when they hear about this. now the ambulance shows up and this is where the fun happens they come running over and wanting to check everything about me but the realize I'm OK after 10 min of poking me with shit then the say the have to take me in to make sure I'm OK then i politely ask what the hell was the ten min oh poking for if i have to go in they tell me i have to go in because i flipped my car if a hadn't of flipped it i wouldn't have to go in, just my luck. so the decide they are going to strap me to the board and lift me up and put me on the stretcher, now if you are reading this and you have met me before you realize that I'm a pretty big dude, given i know they lift people all the time and sometime twice my size but still it was just two on them and me laying on the board strapped to it, needless to say they couldn't get me on the stretcher so we come up with a game plan where they put the board on the stretcher and i lay on it and they strap me in and that seemed to work just fine. the ride there was ridiculous the guy hit every bump in the road and was going 5000000 miles per hour while he was doing it. i got to the hospital and everything was OK my mom met me there she was freaked out. given if i pulled up and my kids car was upside down i would freak to. but all is well i can drive a little better and a lot safer.

Oh I'm back and yes i brought friends, and stories!

Hello blog friends hope all is well i took a bit of a break from everything to somethings and give the ol noggin a rest, but like the great Michale Jordan, I'm back and have lots to tell about a lot of many things that are funny sad and just not right and probably shouldn't be allowed in the us any more. well ladies and germs i can honestly say its good to be back and i cant wait to hear from all my friends in blog world and yes if you would like to participate in a mad lib for my blog e-mail me at sethcarterhasablog@gmail.com. Love Peace and hair grease later all and have a wonderful day!!!!!

Yea im sorry i punched your granny.

I know i know its been to long sinece ive done this and i know im suppose to have huge birthday week special but to be honest i dont remember much and we will just leave it at that. The one thing that i did do that was awesome that i did was i played spades with Mike Rich and Rehab and thats what i really wanted to do it was honestly one of the best birthdays ever thanks, so i know why your here you want a story so here you go. There arnt to many times in my life where im at a loss for words i take that back its pretty much why i started this blog in the first place.

Back in high school i would do what any normal high school kid would do on friday nights i would go to games and hang out and have fun and go out after words. Well during the game me and my friends rick and brando would get board and play a game. well it wasnt really a game i was more me acting blind and them going up to people and introducing them to me. I know im a bad person what can i say it helped the time go by. People were always super nice to me, I mean if i was really blind i would of never felt offended. i even think some one bought me a hot dog and a coke one time, and there might of been some pictures. Yes we did tell some people i wasnt that was aways funny but some people we just left hannging out in lala land it was great. So after about a football season of this it got back to my mpother that i was acting blind at football games. See i didnt go to school there i went to church with people that went there so it eventually got back to her. She didnt get mad or anyhting she just said "so your blind huh?" in passing one day she thought it was funny but let me know that it might not be that funny to blind people. And true it wasnt but at the time it was funny as hell to me so we did it a couple of more times even did it a some tennis matches. It all kinda stopped when brando introduced me to a girl and i accedntly stuck my fingure up her nose she kinda got freaked out so it was funny.

THE LIST (ADULT CONTENT)

There comes a time in most guys life where they construct a list. you might ask yourself what does this list consist of. Well it is a list of who they have had relations with, and this is the subject of to days blog. You see a friend of mine had his list found by his girlfriend of some time. Now I'm not going to say any names because i don't want to burn any bridges but this subject got me thinking and i got some of the people at work talking about it and here is my thoughts on this subject.





Yes the list is stupid i agree, but it is done not to brag, OK maybe a little, it is to put into perspective what we have done. The people I talked to said that they remembered who in there head, well that's good and all but it doesn't seem that big of a deal until its on a piece of paper in front of you. There doesn't have to always be a grading system or a ranking system or a how many times system its a list, who ever made the list makes up there own rules. The reason why the list is hidden for the girls is because you would look to deep into it. Now I understand that i am dancing on a ledge here, but its true. When i try to explain this stupid act to some of the women at work they would ask question that really didn't matter like, Why? well i don't know why guys just do, then the normal reply well that's just dumb, but Why?. They think its the dumbest thing in the world but they wanna know why really freaking bad. They they wanna know if there is some kind of special secret ranking system, and to be honest not always every list and how its made is up to the person who made it, and trust me there are some girls out there who make lists. Then they ask why again like i forgot to say something 5 min ago and i reply the same, i don't know we just do. then comes the good ol' "Well do you right the name down how many time or do you just make tally marks beside the names?" Its up to who ever makes the list just to let you know almost every question i was asked by the ladies at my work was answered with "Its up to whoever made the list!" This proves that some not all, but the great majority of the women out there would look into this way to much than it needs to be. I'm sorry make fun of me, hit me, call me awful names, but its the truth. All it is, is a list it doesn't mean anything. Yes it is dumb, and no it doesn't make any since, but does anything guys do make any since to women? Not to you but it does to us. Just so you know the list does disappear eventually. Why? I don't know its up to the person who made the list! So don't ask me.

The Always Sunny In Philidelphia Drinking Game!

The Always Sunny In Philidelphia Drinking Game!

1. If the name "Charle" is said you take a drink.



2. If the name "Dee" is said you take a drink.



3. If the word "bitch" is said in any form you take a drink.

4. If Dennis says "Bad Ass" you take a drink

5. If you have any drink left by the end of the show you finish it.

Enjoy the Show and the mayhem

This is a lot of fun, a whooooooooooooooooooole lot of fun.

I pooted on your pillow, i hope you get pink eye.

So my birthday is 3 days away and i plan on doing a special "super fantastic explosive edition" of Because poop smells like shit, that's the name of my blog for those that didn't pay attention, in this edition there will be over 83 hours of my life photographed and or written about. It will be fantastic and yes kinda sad. We will grow together as you read it so get ready for an all new train wreck of fun, silliness, and sorrow i call life. thanks again and keep doing what ever it is you do to get paid or for fun in between reading my blog Oh and go see Zombie land it fuckin rocks.

Time to nut up or shut up!

the absolutely funniest thing in the history of life happen the other day. Well maybe not the history of life but it was pretty damn close. It was kinda like seeing a unicorn it was something that happen and the timing was just right to make it amazing. What happen you ask well this is what happen.

Last Sunday i was at dug's parents house watching football. They put together a good group of food and people to watch football and hang out. So its the end of the titans game and me dug and Tyler decide to go throw football to wast time in between games. its going pretty good nothing to Fancy then one of the group comes out to throw with us. He is cool hung out with him plenty of Times to know he aight, i do feel bad, i can remember his name to save my life though. Its going good then the group of i would say high school aged boy that are there come up and throw with us. Now there are tow at the end with me and Tyler and one went down with dug and the other guy. The one down there is jumping right into it. I would say showing off a lil bit. Not enough to get on any ones nerves. then i notice the guy say something to dug. The only thing that goes off in my head when i see this is " holy shit this is going to be good" . Tyler has the ball and dug points up as if to say "hey friend lob this one up for you friend" and Tyler nods as if to say " sure pal, anything for a friend" and Tyler hums that mofo. Now for those who may not know what "Tyler humms that mofo" means, it means Tyler threw the ball really freaking hard i could hear the wind come off of it. So the kid jumps for the ball and dug grabs the bottom of his shorts and his shorts come down. Now the kid has a choice to make go for the ball or go for the shorts. Guess what he did? That's right he went for the shorts. Hear is some advice if you ever find yourself with this choice. Go for the ball, go for the ball, GO FOR THE FREAKING BALL. Because he went for the shorts and the ball hit him right in the face causing him to fall down in the yard with his shorts down around his ankles. At this point me and Tyler are laughing so hard we are hugging each other to hold each other up. It was insane how funny this was. The kid was OK and we knew it so calm down. He was a good sport to, rolled over and with blood coming out of his nose looked at dug and said "payback is a bitch dug". So after he left I tyred to convince dug to send balloons to his school with a card that read. "Roses are red, Violets are blue, your eye is black, Boo whoo. Hope your face feels better, Cordially Dug" So he could be two up on the kid. But dug said no sadly and he felt real bad about it. So me and Tyler made him feel worse about it. hahahahaha Great Day!!!!!!!!

Yea the goat had it commin, he was talking shit.

So I got some good new, but we are going to star this off right. If you read or have read my blog I'm not really shy about saying I'm 26 and live with my parents. I'm not proud of it but it works or should i say worked. That's right ladies and germs I'm moving out. After two glorious years at home the turkey is leaving the nest yet again. lol its a good time in my life right now got a new car and a new place to say "tear" I'm a big boy now and i cant wait to see what I'm going to be when i grow up. Well i thought i would blog about this since not much else is going on in my life, besides school witch is awesome, not really. I'm out later

Yea so i messed up.

Aperently i took the follow my blog button off my blog so i replaced it and now its back up so if you would like to follow my blog because your on blogger now you can, but you can also subcribe to it with the orange button thingy. thank you for reading and keep reading!

Alfagabbadub

I cant tell you when the last time i talked to a girl, woman, or what ever you call it and took the conversation seriously. I have no idea what its about me lately but I just don't care about there feelings or what they are saying. Ill call if i want to and i don't want to talk i just let it ring or in my case i got tired of my ringer and switched to vibrate. Nothing against them its just they are on my nerves. Also my approach to girls mimics that of a 7 year old on the play ground, What I'm trying to say here is that if i think a girl is cute i tend to make fun of them. Why i have no idea but it works about 2% of the time and its a sure fire way to find what i like to call "the crazies" they are nice i don't want to sound mean or anything, but they crazy. I talked about this with the nard dog and he spent 45 min trying to convince me I was gay witch funny yes but far from the truth. I guess this is just proof that i haven't matured as much as i thought i have in the past couple of years hmm and maybe i just don't want a relationship and I'm yet again doing this to myself just to see how i would handle this, well that's it I'm going to go play with my G.I. Joe's now later.

I was never picked last in kickball.

I have always thought stereo types were funny and I don't tend to abide by any maybe some that don't fit who i am but they are silly. Whats even funner is when something happens to you that is so stereo typical that I don't wanna think its real. Like the time i was arrested at a Lynard Skynard concert for drinking.

It was the summer I was going into my Junior year of high school and we had tickets to see , don't judge me, Travis Tritt and Lynard Skynard. I figured I should go because I was a white boy in the south and its our birth right to see them at least once i don't know why but then again i don't make the rules. Its an awesome day the sun is shining bright, and one of the guys we are with found a 21 bracelet, its the thing you get I.D.ed for so you can drink. They ask me if i wanted a beer and you know what I didn't, yes i actually passed on a beer. They come back and travis tritt is squaking bout some bs and we are just hanging out having fun, when one of my friends has to go to the bathroom and asks me to hold his beer. I don't think anything of it, so when he comes back and security is with him because the stopped to get a couple more and the security decided to do there jobs and ask questions I'm now holding a beer that im not drinking in front of the man. now we are marched to the back to the police substation, with the theme music of travis tritt, how fitting. We get to the back and we get a chance to call our parents to pick us up, sure enough i cant get ahold of mine so now they are taking about if i don't get ahold of anyone then I'm going to jail, great i would say something smart but its not security guards any more its the police and I'm like 15 so im scared.
I finally get someone and i cant believe that i got this person but they bailed my ass out big time. I had my grandmother come get me. Well she can't drive at night so she had my uncle drive her and they came and got me. This was punishment enough i thought being walked out by your grandmother. To top things off when we are driving home my uncle gets pulled over because the officer saw us leave the concert and thought he might of been drinking. When I got home I got it from my mom really bad, but what you have to understand is my mother is the master of evil punishments it all worked out I was alive.

So Ive been Sick for three days.

Ive have been sick for three days and I'm just now starting to feel a little normal, an i have found out some new things about myself

- Its possible to watch every season of the office in under a day
- season two is and always will be my favorite
- you can live off of diet mountain dew for three days, not recommended but you can
- grilled cheese sandwiches made by my mother are still the best thing in the world and nothing will change that
- i have gotten more sleep than i have ever gotten and it still doesn't make me feel any better
-night Quill is amazing
- sometimes toast with nothing on it is exactly what it is, cardboard
-finally ate normal food, waffles with syrup kinda tasted weird with diet mountain dew
- strange enough id rather be at work
- when you start to hallucinate its time to take a nap
-with a soar throat gargling salt water is never fun but is necessary
- being sick comfortable is not a word its more like manageable

how am i suppose to look you in the eye when you have a booger hanging out of your nose.

Being a preschool teacher, as i said before, will always be the best job I've ever had, also the best birth control ever. During nap time there is really much for a teacher to do, so that when you would put a lot of the art work up of do some of you paper work. Me what would i do, I would cut facial hair out of construction paper and when the kids would wake up i would put it on them. So just imagine a room with ah 15 kids give or take a few with beards goatees and mustaches. Yea we would be having a blast eating snack hanging out. This all started when a kid shaved his eyebrows off and i felt bad so i made him some and it just kept going.

Well if it isn't Mr. Fartbagt!

There have been a lot of stories that I have herd why me and my ex broke up. I guess its just what happens when peoples minds wonder. Its has always been funny to me to hear about how i cheated or she cheated or someone got pregnate when none of that is true. But the last thing I herd was baffling to me on how in the hell it could be true. Let me get this clear before i go any further i have never or will never (pending hard evedence) belive anything that is told to be. So with that out of the way i was told that we split up because I was leading a double life. When hearing this I quickly broke into laughter then craped my pants. After doing this I got to thinking what if i had a double life what would i be? Maybe I was a secret agent flying around to diffrent countries killing people. Or maybe my other life i was a drug lord and i just used every thing i did during the day as a front. Ah what about a stripper i know plenty of women folk who would like to put dollars in my undies. Could i have a whole nother family i dunno. What if i was a prince of a forgein country yea that sounds good. lol sadly i am not any of these im just a ruglar guy, but its still funny how peoples minds wonder. I just sit back relax and let the dumb people do dumb stuff for me, so i have something to write about. Well either that or i go out with my friends and I do something creative. lol

I told my mom no pickles, GOSH!

So there are a lot of thing I'm not proud of, the night i stole Christmas was not one of the things im not proud of. This was truly a night i will tell everyone i meet, it just to damn funny.



I met some guys at a friends house and we all decide to ride to another friends house where more people were hanging out at. So i catch a ride with Tid and Chase (two funny funny people) We get to this guys house and it this first time Ive been here and everyone is hanging out in the basement. we walk in and dang this is pretty cool big screen TV and a PS two (yea it was that long ago that a PS two was cool) we goofed off and played games cracked jokes. Until this guy names Pace challenges me to a game of chess. Now if you know me the is one thing for sure I'm not the sharpest knife in the kitchen, so why in the hell would i play chess. Because Pace get on my nerves an he i just as dumb as me so game on bitches. Watching us play at first is Tid and chase, we all start drinking from the antique coke machine that they had. By the end of the second game everyone is watching us and all the coke is out of the machine. Three people drank every coke in the machine. Needless to say the owner was not to pleased at all. So the party breaks up and everyone goes there separate ways except for me, chase, and Tid. Its December and where we are there are a lot of decorations out in peoples yards. I holler at Tid to pull over he think i got to pee or something but no i take off running and i take all the candy canes in the yard and run back to the car and i fall trying to run up a hill, let the fun begin, i think it was like 5 or 6. I get back to the car and everyone is getty with joy and we are laughing really hard. We don't get two blocks when chase says stop the car and Tid does and he shoots out of the car and snatches up half the damn yard. I was amazed but chase did play football and could run like a deer. He get back to the car with at least 10 or fifteen different things. I was topped and i couldn't let this happen. We go maybe two houses down and i yell stop Tid does and the yard is full of crap except and all three of us get out and grab all we can by the end of this at least 10 - 15 yard are missing their decorations, and they are in Tid's car. I know what your asking yourself why would i do such a thing and what the hell did you do with all the decorations? Well had all had about 20 cokes each in like a hour period so we where jacked up and mix it with adrenaline and we were turbo jacked, and the best part about it all was was put in my friend Dug parent's yard. It was amazing the sight of the what was 10 - 15 yards worth of Christmas decorations. Yes i stole Christmas and it was fun. Wait that sounds really bad.

Yea i just rubbed that, all over my face.*

Some of my stories happen at a happy little place called Three Crow Bar and for good reason. Its a good place to hang out with people. Plus two for one Wed & Sun is good enuff for me to stop by and say hi. Well one particular night with my friend ben we had an espicially fun evening.

We get there and we find a table and leap on it as fast as possible, I think i even elbowed a nin to get to my table. So we are hangin out having a blast playing cheesey ass songs on the Jukebox. It was a wicked good time. Then all of a sudden this hot girl comes to our table and starts chatting us up. Now this is not the norm for three crow, not because im not attractive, lets face it im hot, ok now we have that out of the way, she is really cool and fun to talk to i make her laugh ben makes her laugh she makes us laugh then all of a sundden she looks at a table behind her and ill be damned if its not full of at least 6 other fine girls. At this point i take a mental not as to what i have one, what i did that day and how i did it, because obviously what ever i did it worked ( side note i copied eveything i did that day one time and went to three crow on a 2 4 1 night and it did not work at all) they all come over and i ask them what they do for a living, you know just making convo, & being the nice guy i am. When all of them say what they do. Ladies and gents im not lieing to you when i write this, this is really what they do. a libraryan, a firewoman, a teacher, a doctor, a vetinarian, a dentist. Me and ben look at each other wow they are girls and have real jobs this is to crazy. They ask me and ben and we tell them they giggle not because our jobs suck but because we both have funny stories that go with our jobs. We get a round of shots and befor we take them something hits me. I lean over to be and say this. " you do realize the last time we hang out with these girls was when we were four and the were in a childrens book." ben looks at me then at them and says "yea but im 26 and they are fine and they are real now" Needless too say we didnt hook up with any of them, sad i know, but it was funny. They were cool, we were nice so it was a good time. We see the girls out randomly but never as a group, till this day we never see them out as a group and its usually just one of the never together. Side story when we first started talking to them one of the girls said this to ben "you sir are a thug" ben "what?, how the hell am i thug" girl " you sir are put together well and smell good" ben "then i guess i am a thug" Seth " and i smell like shit"


* - still working on this

Looking back, a year later.

Wow I have been writing this blog for a year now and it seems like i have just been getting started. I started this blog when i was in a really bad spot in my life and was planning on using this as a way to put how i was feeling out there. what it ended up being is an outlet for me not to be sad and sappy but a way for me to show people something about myself that they might not normally know. Like how insist on putting myself in difficult situations just to see how i deal with them, and so you have something to read lol. To look at where i was a year ago when this began to where i am at now is truly amazing to me, what a lot of people don't realize is that when i wrote my first blog about the family photo ( if you haven't read it you need to its really kind of funny now) is that, that was one of the hardest thing i have ever had to do is write about something that was making my life horrible and make it fun to read for everyone else. But its what helped me turn everything around and it did so in such a positive way. I don't know who reads this, it could be 2, 20, 200, 2000, 200000. It doesn't matter i know people read this and i thank you for doing that. I'd also like to thank my friend Tyler, he is pretty much the reason why i started this. Dee and Mackenzie for reminding me that i have a blog more than once. This next year has a lot going for and don't worry there will be plenty more things going on, and don't worry I'm sure there will be plenty more things to write about. So thanks if you read this and feel free to tell your friends and family, fell free to write and tell me how I'm doing and if you want to participate in a mad lib email me at sethcarterhasanemail@gmail.com. Later