Yea im sorry i punched your granny.

I know i know its been to long sinece ive done this and i know im suppose to have huge birthday week special but to be honest i dont remember much and we will just leave it at that. The one thing that i did do that was awesome that i did was i played spades with Mike Rich and Rehab and thats what i really wanted to do it was honestly one of the best birthdays ever thanks, so i know why your here you want a story so here you go. There arnt to many times in my life where im at a loss for words i take that back its pretty much why i started this blog in the first place.

Back in high school i would do what any normal high school kid would do on friday nights i would go to games and hang out and have fun and go out after words. Well during the game me and my friends rick and brando would get board and play a game. well it wasnt really a game i was more me acting blind and them going up to people and introducing them to me. I know im a bad person what can i say it helped the time go by. People were always super nice to me, I mean if i was really blind i would of never felt offended. i even think some one bought me a hot dog and a coke one time, and there might of been some pictures. Yes we did tell some people i wasnt that was aways funny but some people we just left hannging out in lala land it was great. So after about a football season of this it got back to my mpother that i was acting blind at football games. See i didnt go to school there i went to church with people that went there so it eventually got back to her. She didnt get mad or anyhting she just said "so your blind huh?" in passing one day she thought it was funny but let me know that it might not be that funny to blind people. And true it wasnt but at the time it was funny as hell to me so we did it a couple of more times even did it a some tennis matches. It all kinda stopped when brando introduced me to a girl and i accedntly stuck my fingure up her nose she kinda got freaked out so it was funny.

THE LIST (ADULT CONTENT)

There comes a time in most guys life where they construct a list. you might ask yourself what does this list consist of. Well it is a list of who they have had relations with, and this is the subject of to days blog. You see a friend of mine had his list found by his girlfriend of some time. Now I'm not going to say any names because i don't want to burn any bridges but this subject got me thinking and i got some of the people at work talking about it and here is my thoughts on this subject.





Yes the list is stupid i agree, but it is done not to brag, OK maybe a little, it is to put into perspective what we have done. The people I talked to said that they remembered who in there head, well that's good and all but it doesn't seem that big of a deal until its on a piece of paper in front of you. There doesn't have to always be a grading system or a ranking system or a how many times system its a list, who ever made the list makes up there own rules. The reason why the list is hidden for the girls is because you would look to deep into it. Now I understand that i am dancing on a ledge here, but its true. When i try to explain this stupid act to some of the women at work they would ask question that really didn't matter like, Why? well i don't know why guys just do, then the normal reply well that's just dumb, but Why?. They think its the dumbest thing in the world but they wanna know why really freaking bad. They they wanna know if there is some kind of special secret ranking system, and to be honest not always every list and how its made is up to the person who made it, and trust me there are some girls out there who make lists. Then they ask why again like i forgot to say something 5 min ago and i reply the same, i don't know we just do. then comes the good ol' "Well do you right the name down how many time or do you just make tally marks beside the names?" Its up to who ever makes the list just to let you know almost every question i was asked by the ladies at my work was answered with "Its up to whoever made the list!" This proves that some not all, but the great majority of the women out there would look into this way to much than it needs to be. I'm sorry make fun of me, hit me, call me awful names, but its the truth. All it is, is a list it doesn't mean anything. Yes it is dumb, and no it doesn't make any since, but does anything guys do make any since to women? Not to you but it does to us. Just so you know the list does disappear eventually. Why? I don't know its up to the person who made the list! So don't ask me.

The Always Sunny In Philidelphia Drinking Game!

The Always Sunny In Philidelphia Drinking Game!

1. If the name "Charle" is said you take a drink.



2. If the name "Dee" is said you take a drink.



3. If the word "bitch" is said in any form you take a drink.

4. If Dennis says "Bad Ass" you take a drink

5. If you have any drink left by the end of the show you finish it.

Enjoy the Show and the mayhem

This is a lot of fun, a whooooooooooooooooooole lot of fun.

I pooted on your pillow, i hope you get pink eye.

So my birthday is 3 days away and i plan on doing a special "super fantastic explosive edition" of Because poop smells like shit, that's the name of my blog for those that didn't pay attention, in this edition there will be over 83 hours of my life photographed and or written about. It will be fantastic and yes kinda sad. We will grow together as you read it so get ready for an all new train wreck of fun, silliness, and sorrow i call life. thanks again and keep doing what ever it is you do to get paid or for fun in between reading my blog Oh and go see Zombie land it fuckin rocks.

Time to nut up or shut up!

the absolutely funniest thing in the history of life happen the other day. Well maybe not the history of life but it was pretty damn close. It was kinda like seeing a unicorn it was something that happen and the timing was just right to make it amazing. What happen you ask well this is what happen.

Last Sunday i was at dug's parents house watching football. They put together a good group of food and people to watch football and hang out. So its the end of the titans game and me dug and Tyler decide to go throw football to wast time in between games. its going pretty good nothing to Fancy then one of the group comes out to throw with us. He is cool hung out with him plenty of Times to know he aight, i do feel bad, i can remember his name to save my life though. Its going good then the group of i would say high school aged boy that are there come up and throw with us. Now there are tow at the end with me and Tyler and one went down with dug and the other guy. The one down there is jumping right into it. I would say showing off a lil bit. Not enough to get on any ones nerves. then i notice the guy say something to dug. The only thing that goes off in my head when i see this is " holy shit this is going to be good" . Tyler has the ball and dug points up as if to say "hey friend lob this one up for you friend" and Tyler nods as if to say " sure pal, anything for a friend" and Tyler hums that mofo. Now for those who may not know what "Tyler humms that mofo" means, it means Tyler threw the ball really freaking hard i could hear the wind come off of it. So the kid jumps for the ball and dug grabs the bottom of his shorts and his shorts come down. Now the kid has a choice to make go for the ball or go for the shorts. Guess what he did? That's right he went for the shorts. Hear is some advice if you ever find yourself with this choice. Go for the ball, go for the ball, GO FOR THE FREAKING BALL. Because he went for the shorts and the ball hit him right in the face causing him to fall down in the yard with his shorts down around his ankles. At this point me and Tyler are laughing so hard we are hugging each other to hold each other up. It was insane how funny this was. The kid was OK and we knew it so calm down. He was a good sport to, rolled over and with blood coming out of his nose looked at dug and said "payback is a bitch dug". So after he left I tyred to convince dug to send balloons to his school with a card that read. "Roses are red, Violets are blue, your eye is black, Boo whoo. Hope your face feels better, Cordially Dug" So he could be two up on the kid. But dug said no sadly and he felt real bad about it. So me and Tyler made him feel worse about it. hahahahaha Great Day!!!!!!!!

Yea the goat had it commin, he was talking shit.

So I got some good new, but we are going to star this off right. If you read or have read my blog I'm not really shy about saying I'm 26 and live with my parents. I'm not proud of it but it works or should i say worked. That's right ladies and germs I'm moving out. After two glorious years at home the turkey is leaving the nest yet again. lol its a good time in my life right now got a new car and a new place to say "tear" I'm a big boy now and i cant wait to see what I'm going to be when i grow up. Well i thought i would blog about this since not much else is going on in my life, besides school witch is awesome, not really. I'm out later

Yea so i messed up.

Aperently i took the follow my blog button off my blog so i replaced it and now its back up so if you would like to follow my blog because your on blogger now you can, but you can also subcribe to it with the orange button thingy. thank you for reading and keep reading!

Alfagabbadub

I cant tell you when the last time i talked to a girl, woman, or what ever you call it and took the conversation seriously. I have no idea what its about me lately but I just don't care about there feelings or what they are saying. Ill call if i want to and i don't want to talk i just let it ring or in my case i got tired of my ringer and switched to vibrate. Nothing against them its just they are on my nerves. Also my approach to girls mimics that of a 7 year old on the play ground, What I'm trying to say here is that if i think a girl is cute i tend to make fun of them. Why i have no idea but it works about 2% of the time and its a sure fire way to find what i like to call "the crazies" they are nice i don't want to sound mean or anything, but they crazy. I talked about this with the nard dog and he spent 45 min trying to convince me I was gay witch funny yes but far from the truth. I guess this is just proof that i haven't matured as much as i thought i have in the past couple of years hmm and maybe i just don't want a relationship and I'm yet again doing this to myself just to see how i would handle this, well that's it I'm going to go play with my G.I. Joe's now later.

I was never picked last in kickball.

I have always thought stereo types were funny and I don't tend to abide by any maybe some that don't fit who i am but they are silly. Whats even funner is when something happens to you that is so stereo typical that I don't wanna think its real. Like the time i was arrested at a Lynard Skynard concert for drinking.

It was the summer I was going into my Junior year of high school and we had tickets to see , don't judge me, Travis Tritt and Lynard Skynard. I figured I should go because I was a white boy in the south and its our birth right to see them at least once i don't know why but then again i don't make the rules. Its an awesome day the sun is shining bright, and one of the guys we are with found a 21 bracelet, its the thing you get I.D.ed for so you can drink. They ask me if i wanted a beer and you know what I didn't, yes i actually passed on a beer. They come back and travis tritt is squaking bout some bs and we are just hanging out having fun, when one of my friends has to go to the bathroom and asks me to hold his beer. I don't think anything of it, so when he comes back and security is with him because the stopped to get a couple more and the security decided to do there jobs and ask questions I'm now holding a beer that im not drinking in front of the man. now we are marched to the back to the police substation, with the theme music of travis tritt, how fitting. We get to the back and we get a chance to call our parents to pick us up, sure enough i cant get ahold of mine so now they are taking about if i don't get ahold of anyone then I'm going to jail, great i would say something smart but its not security guards any more its the police and I'm like 15 so im scared.
I finally get someone and i cant believe that i got this person but they bailed my ass out big time. I had my grandmother come get me. Well she can't drive at night so she had my uncle drive her and they came and got me. This was punishment enough i thought being walked out by your grandmother. To top things off when we are driving home my uncle gets pulled over because the officer saw us leave the concert and thought he might of been drinking. When I got home I got it from my mom really bad, but what you have to understand is my mother is the master of evil punishments it all worked out I was alive.

So Ive been Sick for three days.

Ive have been sick for three days and I'm just now starting to feel a little normal, an i have found out some new things about myself

- Its possible to watch every season of the office in under a day
- season two is and always will be my favorite
- you can live off of diet mountain dew for three days, not recommended but you can
- grilled cheese sandwiches made by my mother are still the best thing in the world and nothing will change that
- i have gotten more sleep than i have ever gotten and it still doesn't make me feel any better
-night Quill is amazing
- sometimes toast with nothing on it is exactly what it is, cardboard
-finally ate normal food, waffles with syrup kinda tasted weird with diet mountain dew
- strange enough id rather be at work
- when you start to hallucinate its time to take a nap
-with a soar throat gargling salt water is never fun but is necessary
- being sick comfortable is not a word its more like manageable

how am i suppose to look you in the eye when you have a booger hanging out of your nose.

Being a preschool teacher, as i said before, will always be the best job I've ever had, also the best birth control ever. During nap time there is really much for a teacher to do, so that when you would put a lot of the art work up of do some of you paper work. Me what would i do, I would cut facial hair out of construction paper and when the kids would wake up i would put it on them. So just imagine a room with ah 15 kids give or take a few with beards goatees and mustaches. Yea we would be having a blast eating snack hanging out. This all started when a kid shaved his eyebrows off and i felt bad so i made him some and it just kept going.

Well if it isn't Mr. Fartbagt!

There have been a lot of stories that I have herd why me and my ex broke up. I guess its just what happens when peoples minds wonder. Its has always been funny to me to hear about how i cheated or she cheated or someone got pregnate when none of that is true. But the last thing I herd was baffling to me on how in the hell it could be true. Let me get this clear before i go any further i have never or will never (pending hard evedence) belive anything that is told to be. So with that out of the way i was told that we split up because I was leading a double life. When hearing this I quickly broke into laughter then craped my pants. After doing this I got to thinking what if i had a double life what would i be? Maybe I was a secret agent flying around to diffrent countries killing people. Or maybe my other life i was a drug lord and i just used every thing i did during the day as a front. Ah what about a stripper i know plenty of women folk who would like to put dollars in my undies. Could i have a whole nother family i dunno. What if i was a prince of a forgein country yea that sounds good. lol sadly i am not any of these im just a ruglar guy, but its still funny how peoples minds wonder. I just sit back relax and let the dumb people do dumb stuff for me, so i have something to write about. Well either that or i go out with my friends and I do something creative. lol

I told my mom no pickles, GOSH!

So there are a lot of thing I'm not proud of, the night i stole Christmas was not one of the things im not proud of. This was truly a night i will tell everyone i meet, it just to damn funny.



I met some guys at a friends house and we all decide to ride to another friends house where more people were hanging out at. So i catch a ride with Tid and Chase (two funny funny people) We get to this guys house and it this first time Ive been here and everyone is hanging out in the basement. we walk in and dang this is pretty cool big screen TV and a PS two (yea it was that long ago that a PS two was cool) we goofed off and played games cracked jokes. Until this guy names Pace challenges me to a game of chess. Now if you know me the is one thing for sure I'm not the sharpest knife in the kitchen, so why in the hell would i play chess. Because Pace get on my nerves an he i just as dumb as me so game on bitches. Watching us play at first is Tid and chase, we all start drinking from the antique coke machine that they had. By the end of the second game everyone is watching us and all the coke is out of the machine. Three people drank every coke in the machine. Needless to say the owner was not to pleased at all. So the party breaks up and everyone goes there separate ways except for me, chase, and Tid. Its December and where we are there are a lot of decorations out in peoples yards. I holler at Tid to pull over he think i got to pee or something but no i take off running and i take all the candy canes in the yard and run back to the car and i fall trying to run up a hill, let the fun begin, i think it was like 5 or 6. I get back to the car and everyone is getty with joy and we are laughing really hard. We don't get two blocks when chase says stop the car and Tid does and he shoots out of the car and snatches up half the damn yard. I was amazed but chase did play football and could run like a deer. He get back to the car with at least 10 or fifteen different things. I was topped and i couldn't let this happen. We go maybe two houses down and i yell stop Tid does and the yard is full of crap except and all three of us get out and grab all we can by the end of this at least 10 - 15 yard are missing their decorations, and they are in Tid's car. I know what your asking yourself why would i do such a thing and what the hell did you do with all the decorations? Well had all had about 20 cokes each in like a hour period so we where jacked up and mix it with adrenaline and we were turbo jacked, and the best part about it all was was put in my friend Dug parent's yard. It was amazing the sight of the what was 10 - 15 yards worth of Christmas decorations. Yes i stole Christmas and it was fun. Wait that sounds really bad.

Yea i just rubbed that, all over my face.*

Some of my stories happen at a happy little place called Three Crow Bar and for good reason. Its a good place to hang out with people. Plus two for one Wed & Sun is good enuff for me to stop by and say hi. Well one particular night with my friend ben we had an espicially fun evening.

We get there and we find a table and leap on it as fast as possible, I think i even elbowed a nin to get to my table. So we are hangin out having a blast playing cheesey ass songs on the Jukebox. It was a wicked good time. Then all of a sudden this hot girl comes to our table and starts chatting us up. Now this is not the norm for three crow, not because im not attractive, lets face it im hot, ok now we have that out of the way, she is really cool and fun to talk to i make her laugh ben makes her laugh she makes us laugh then all of a sundden she looks at a table behind her and ill be damned if its not full of at least 6 other fine girls. At this point i take a mental not as to what i have one, what i did that day and how i did it, because obviously what ever i did it worked ( side note i copied eveything i did that day one time and went to three crow on a 2 4 1 night and it did not work at all) they all come over and i ask them what they do for a living, you know just making convo, & being the nice guy i am. When all of them say what they do. Ladies and gents im not lieing to you when i write this, this is really what they do. a libraryan, a firewoman, a teacher, a doctor, a vetinarian, a dentist. Me and ben look at each other wow they are girls and have real jobs this is to crazy. They ask me and ben and we tell them they giggle not because our jobs suck but because we both have funny stories that go with our jobs. We get a round of shots and befor we take them something hits me. I lean over to be and say this. " you do realize the last time we hang out with these girls was when we were four and the were in a childrens book." ben looks at me then at them and says "yea but im 26 and they are fine and they are real now" Needless too say we didnt hook up with any of them, sad i know, but it was funny. They were cool, we were nice so it was a good time. We see the girls out randomly but never as a group, till this day we never see them out as a group and its usually just one of the never together. Side story when we first started talking to them one of the girls said this to ben "you sir are a thug" ben "what?, how the hell am i thug" girl " you sir are put together well and smell good" ben "then i guess i am a thug" Seth " and i smell like shit"


* - still working on this

Looking back, a year later.

Wow I have been writing this blog for a year now and it seems like i have just been getting started. I started this blog when i was in a really bad spot in my life and was planning on using this as a way to put how i was feeling out there. what it ended up being is an outlet for me not to be sad and sappy but a way for me to show people something about myself that they might not normally know. Like how insist on putting myself in difficult situations just to see how i deal with them, and so you have something to read lol. To look at where i was a year ago when this began to where i am at now is truly amazing to me, what a lot of people don't realize is that when i wrote my first blog about the family photo ( if you haven't read it you need to its really kind of funny now) is that, that was one of the hardest thing i have ever had to do is write about something that was making my life horrible and make it fun to read for everyone else. But its what helped me turn everything around and it did so in such a positive way. I don't know who reads this, it could be 2, 20, 200, 2000, 200000. It doesn't matter i know people read this and i thank you for doing that. I'd also like to thank my friend Tyler, he is pretty much the reason why i started this. Dee and Mackenzie for reminding me that i have a blog more than once. This next year has a lot going for and don't worry there will be plenty more things going on, and don't worry I'm sure there will be plenty more things to write about. So thanks if you read this and feel free to tell your friends and family, fell free to write and tell me how I'm doing and if you want to participate in a mad lib email me at sethcarterhasanemail@gmail.com. Later

Seth and The Nard Dog do a Mad Lib! (adult content)

Ok here it goes i wanted to do something funny and well i got board at work during a break of course and me and theNard Dog did a mad lib. It was a napoleon dynamite amd lib at that. If you would like to particeipate in a mad lib email me and let me know at sethcarterhasanemail@gmail.com or write and tell me how awesome i really am.

Just Like Napoleon and Pedro, my best freind Tim and I go together like meat and potatoes. We suck together at school; we ride weiners around town, and help eacch other with our chair work. Not only that, but Tim also offers protection. For example , I was recently riding my bike over some very rough wankers near a majestic ravine. I hit one particularly bad beast and went flying in the rowboat, Tim jumped off his octagon and caught me before I could fall off the pisspoor cliff. No one had ever risked thier hairtie to save me like that before. I guess that's what good generators are for. You stick your penis out for each other no matter what the switches are!

yep thats how much fun this can get. lol

How to date a secret agent!

There is no intro good enough for what I'm about to tell you seriously get your popcorn and a soda and read with child like wonderment because this is some weird stuff people. Oh the things i get myself into, i know god has a sense of humor he made me and the platypus.

I am very single and enjoy dating very much. It adds so much to my crazy life,lol. There was one girl that i went out with one time and only one time. Lets see how do i begin, We begin talking and getting to know each other on the phone we share stuff like what we do for a living, like i work in the shipping department of a dental supply company, and she tells me she is a federal agent. This catches me off guard a little bit because i have never really talked to anyone who had ever worked in law enforcement so i run with it. No biggie at all. But, we talk a little more and the story keeps getting stranger and stranger, so now im in a spot where Im forced to grill her about stuff and ask her questions that were more like traps to see if she was really telling the truth, now the has become a prosses and not dating.

It was kinda like poking myself in the eye!

I have been on bad dates then there was the most amazing time i had the other night and this is how it broke down.

We were suppose to eat at 7 but it all kinda broke down she was going to be there later and we didn't eat until 745 good start.

we get there about 8 fifteen minutes after our new time and a hour from our original.

normally I'm a great conversationalist lol but i guess i went completely retarded because i would talk and i would get nothing so knowing the person i am ill only be able to do this for another hour and I'm going to give up.

so we get done eating and i manage to salvage some of the dinner, yes I'm that good, good enough to earn a peck kiss awe shucks. after dinner we head to one of my favorite bars good ol three crow bar woohoo at least i will be comfortable.

so i get there oh and i did forget to mention I'm going to meet couple of her friend um like 8 with out knowing a fucking person this should be fucking awesome if you cant tell my level of pissed ness has risen.

we get there and go to the bar and instead of sitting next to me she sits next to her gay (this is what girls call their gay male friend) instead of me, making talking the easiest this in the world now especially in a bar setting. I'm back on the clock the hour is counting down.

after spending fifteen minutes of throwing napkin balls in to a trash can i get introduced to her friends she introduces me as her date and in a joking manner i say i wouldn't go that far, we all laugh witch is surprising, but it worked, ah now back to working on my jump shot

the bartender asked me to stop making a mess, so i do, but now i need to find something else to do, oh wow she came over and said hi and gave a mercy hug, how lucky am i right now, about thirty min left and I'm gone

wow more friends show up this is getting better oh ouch she totally forgot to introduce me ouch ouch ouch guess those are two more people i will never have the pleasure of knowing damn that sucks bla lol

so for the last fifteen minutes i entertain myself with giving everyone else dialog in my head if they aren't going to talk to me i might as well make them talk so much fun

well times up i tell her I'm heading out and she doesn't even get up to tell me bye dang that hurts real bad not really it makes for a faster escape hahaha freedom now off to home so i cant sleep off this horrible night

Dates are baaaaaaaaaaaaaad and then they are really bad take my advice don't get upset or mad just make the most of it sure when all said and done you may feel like it was a big waste of time but in the end you end up looking like the better person for reals. haha

AWWWWW Snap!

So at work today i had to get a lot of stuff done like pay a phone bill, buy my books, and get a present for someone. And yes it had to be done right then and there. So i went in early so i could get it done off the clock and not get in trouble. Because i knew i wouldnt have time to get all this done after work plus i needed to pay my bill asap and want my books to ship out that day and if i tryed to do this befor work i would of been late. witch now that I look back i should of just come in late. So i walk in get on go to the place i need to pay my bill and the lady that works behind me walks up and just starts staring at the screen nothing eles just staring at the screen. I say politly "Do you need something", "no" she say. Then why the hell are you lookingg at my info you crazy lady. so i turn the monitor off and explain to her the deal and she says ok. So I turn around again and get started and shure enough she does the same thing. So i cut to the chase and tell her to go away, and she does, but instead of leaving me alone she starts asking me the dumbest questiong like what the weather is going to be like and how tall is sanata clause and how much is the doggy in the window and stuff about tyler perry so i turn around and explain once again that i need to get this done and stop talking to me and I will be more than pleased to answer any and all of lifes questions when i get done. She gets mad and storms off. Thank goodness she is gone, back to work. 5 min. into it and i mean just 5 min, into it and someone else walk up to me, and im not to happy about this guy showing up. He is one of those guys who doesnt know when to leave and when your trying to be nice he doesnt get the picture. So i tell him as soon as he walks up to me I am very bust go away. This is what he says word for word, "Oh yea man i totaly understand your trying to do something like REALLy important and someone wont stop talking to you like when my wife is at home and im trying to watch something on t.v. and she is all like bla bla bla and im all like babe im trying to watch this and she is al like bla bla bla and im all like babe im watchin something on tv and she is still like bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla and im get up and yell at here DAMNIT BABE IM TRYING TO WATCH THIS ON THE NFL NETWORK AND YOU GETTING ON MY FUCKING NERVES BABE then she get the fucking piture and then i can watch what im watching and when im done im all like ok babe what did you want and it usually something stupid so i know exactly how it is mantrust me i know" all i can do or say is "shut the fuck up and go away before i hit you in your tiny head" that might get anyone to leave but not this guy he says "whoa totaly get the picture dude you must really have something important your trying to do so yea i can totaly understand why you need to pay attention so you dont like mess anything up you know what i mean" i throw a box at him and he scampers off in fear. now i can get down to business because its business time (thank you Flight of the conchords) so i get my books paid for and im almost done with the rest until someone eles comes walking up and he says he man what ya doin? i tell him i was trying to get something done and he says really what and walksup and starts looking on the screen and trying to be nosey then i turn the monitor off and hit him with a box and told him to fuck off and he tryed to explain he was just trying to help and i screamed at him no words just screaming because he was making my head hurt so bad i had to scream at him. he also scampered off and then i finaly got everything done just in time to clock i on time for work. thank goodness i have a job.

Sometime i like to pee in the dark.

things i have done that really don't have a story but are funny.

1. Cried at the end of harry and the Henderson's movie

2. Threw up in the movie theater while watching turner and hooch\

3. Cried at batteries not included movie

4. Threw up at the theater at K-9

5. Once poured Ajax on my swimming trunks and went streaking to the pool and jumped in naked.

6. Ruined my sisters 13Th or 14Th birthday party by walking around with my shirt off and flexing for the ladies.

7. Blew my sister birthday candles out with my nose

8. Used my sisters left over icing from her cake to make a beard.

9. got my hand stuck in the VCR for about a hour while i was home alone, i was like 11.

10. I was kicked in the nut by a kid tackling the tackle dummy during practice.

11. Went on a walk and saw two deer getting it on.

12.

(I WILL KEEP ADDING TO THIS AS I REMEMBER SO CHECK BACK FOR MORE FUNNY OR IF YOU HAVE ONE FEEL FREE TO ADD BUT ITS SOMETHING I DID THAT DOESN'T REALLY HAVE A STORY, IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING I JUST DID)

awwwww Mom said bullshit

There was a period in my life where i was extremely accident prone. It was a ruff time, but we got threw it. So with that said here is a story about a trip to the ER!

It was December and i had been 14 for two months now. I hurt my ankle earlier in the week during some exercises in gym class at the good ol Neely's Bend Middle School. My dad had taken me to the doctor before but know he was getting kind of irritated about the whole situation. So we went to the ER at the TCMC. We get there and get checked in, the doctor there sees me, tells me what me and my dad thought i have a broke ankle and we get an appointment to go get a cast. Here is where the story starts to get a little cooky. We get done and me and my dad are walking out and he says wait here I'm going to go get the truck. Well I could of made this easy by just waiting there and getting in the truck and going home that could be were the story ended but no it couldn't be that simple. My dad walks off and I'm standing there and I see the coke machines and I think to myself hmmm i wonder if there is any lose change in those coke machines so i can buy me a coke. Bad move on my part. I go in there ( I'm on crutches at this point) I check the first one and the last thing i remember is waking up and asking my mom what did the put in and what did they take out. The reason is because a month earlier i had my appendix taken out (crazy i know). What I was told that happen was I passed out falling backward and put my head threw the wall. Craziness i know. My mom says i kept waking up and asking her the same questions over and over then i would pass out. The questions were What did the take out and what did they put in and what did you get me for Christmas. I know i must not of been that bed but my mom was freaking out because the nurse told he that To make sure i wasn't repeating my self , because if i was it probably meant i had a serious concussion. ( i didn't have one). Everything was OK and i was ready to go home but this time the wheeled me out in a wheelchair so i couldn't pass out on the floor again. Oh yea i forgot i had the flu while all this was going on.

24 Hoours with Seth!

In this blog you will be reading what I do in a 24 hour period, what a normal day in my life is, and what music I listen to while I'm doing what I'm doing. I don't write down everything and I set my Zune to random, so that is how i chose the music i listen to. If this goes over well then I will try and do this more often.



July 7, 2009



4:30 am Woke up to go on my walk/jog.



4:32 am When back to sleep



5:30 am Wake up to start my day hop on the scale , cool i almost lost all my 4th weight i gained. Then droped a duece. hoped on the scale now i lost all the 4th weight. Now i gots to get my coffe.



5:45 am hop on facebook not much going on. reply to Michale H. post. watch a video my brother in law posted (funny funny funny) Whatching jordan sparks video Battlefield



6:30 am should be getting ready for work but going to play farkle instead woohoo



6:54 am got ready fr work going out the door tell my mother bye and luv you, yes thats right 26 and living at home, just living the dream every day



7:15 am getting to work listen to drake - best i ever had the whole way. Luv it.



7:20 am clock in



7:20:30 am thinking of a way to go home early, deside to stay.



7:50 am nard dog shows up for work we chit chat, he tells me stuff like how his wife ripped a nasty fart the we joke about the river boat bandits



8:18 am Deep disscusion on the the tree amigos movie



8:20 am zune goes on, first song Ben Harper - faded woohoo



8:25 am Nard Dog & I talk about reciving and their awesome work eithic

( Back Kids - not going to teach your boyfriend how to dance)



8:28 am Nard dog & I discuss group nick names we are so Gnarles barkley or the Lone Rangers, COFFE BREAK!

(Delta Spirit - the step and the walk)



8:34 am RIVERBOAT BANDITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Jake One - God Like)



8:34 am Our Local Dummy leaves early woohoo

(Firemen - Sign the Change)



8:50 am fart on little old lady

( Jack Johnson - Sleep Threw the static)



9:00 am Break Dance Fighting with the Nard Dog

( Kelly Stoltz - Wave Goodbye)



9:13 am Thinking about what i did last night not to happy, fart on little old lady feel a little better, hurry up 10 o'clock

( J mascist and Friends - Please remember I'm here)



9:30 am Me & The Nard Dog disscus the inner workings of our job =)

(Oh No - Action)



9:44 am Cell Phone Bill Paid

(Death Cab For Cutie - I will posses your heart)



10:00 am Break Time fuck yea bro, The Nard dog rags on me about my blog and about my snack choice and the he crack off color MJ joke. Johnny Boy does his lunges by the break area. JV shows up we disscuss poop and putting eggs on our salad yummy! Nard dog v/s banna , Nard Dog wins.



10:24 am break over someone shoots me Nard Dog makes fun of the riverboat bandits and our local dummy again and i do too.

(Louie Armstrong - What a wonderful world)



10:40 am Dance to Beyonce's crazy on love



10:42 am Booger sighting

(Massive attach - Angel)



10:58 am Nard Dog and Jonny Boy try and get me to skip afternoon workout, no way! I lied, I lied it was me trying to get them to go.

(Ray Lamontange - hanna)



11:15 am Hahahah We are going to Elchico to eat woohoo

( Burdon Brothers - If your going to heaven)



11:30 am Arguing With Cuz K about cats, hate them.

( Flogging Molly - The light of a fading star)



11:38 am Giggles Mcgee Sighting

(Flogging Molly - Float)



12:00 pm LUNCH TIME OH YEA , lunch was cool, got our regular waitress johnny boy made her mad over some sour cream, we vented about work and now back to work we go boo who? good time

(Drop Kick Murphys - The rocky road to dublin)



1:30 pm Nard Dog get into a shit talking contest, funny funny, the quick talk about life, deat, and video games, just the norm in the warehouse.

( Kelly Stoltz - Everything Begins)



1:50 pm Just Found out Kareeoke on second break

( Flogging Molly - The Likes of You)



1:55 pm Scratch that we are hackin

(Silversun Pickups - Three Seed)



1:56 pm Droped a Duece

( Dropkick Murphys - Hey Little rich Boy)



2:05 pm Nard Dog rags on my bloging again

(Ben Folds Five - Army)



2:18 pm Johnny boy being sassy

(Fjiya & Miyagi - Cassett single)



2:38 pm Light say i look tired, i am and its showing really bad

(Ben Folds Five - Jackson Canery)



3:00 pm Hacking was ok



3:36 pm Made a new word hobully (hopefully) Nard Dog Made suere i Knew about it

( Pearl Jam - Last Exit)



3:39 pm Farted on little old lady

(Noah and the whale - Rocks and Daggers)



3:46 pm light talking about beating people up again, oh no

( Wilco - Monday)



3:54 pm Lesson about elvis from vinney B

(New Found Glory - Sincerly Me)



4:09 pm Big Curtis shows up day almost over, farted on little old lady

(Death Cab for Cutie - Twin Sized Bed)



4:23 pm Last few minutes of work and it glorious

(cypresshill - aint going out like that)



4:30 pm Off work on my way home, yayaya

(David Banhart I just feel like a child)

(Rancid - I aint worried)

(Jim Jones - This is the life)



4:45 pm I think i made cuz K mad, I did call her horse face

( Dropkick Murphys - Captain Kellys Kitchen)



4:55 pm Cuz K is cool now she made fun of my toe, Note to slef dont mention horse head around cuz k

(Killswitch Engadge - Holy Diver)



5:05 pm DM just reminded me about a funny story i need to blog about, yayayay her

(El Michels Affair - Behind the Blue Curtins)



5:12 pm JPVS is picking on me now im sad and crying, she is funny. My mom bout me a shirt. I feel even better now, awesome.

(Matt Costa - Songs We Sing)



5:24 pm Gone to shower then off to Academy sports fun balls

( Old Crow Medicine Show - Let it Alone)



6:30 pm Bout some ankle weights and a workout ball, yea thats right a workout ball.

(Daughtry - Over You)



6:45 pm Some kid are selling water by the side of the road. Wanna know how i found out? One of the kids ran up banged on my window and yelled at me "HEY MISTA YOU WANT TO BUY SOME WATER" My response was a very loud masculine scream.

( Drake - Best I Ever Had)



7:00 pm watching Ultimate 100 fights with pops and talking a little fighting too.



8:19 pm Thinking about starting to work on my blog its going to take a while to finish, I think i have had better ideas. My mom brings my icream i am a complet loser, but i have ice cream so ha!



9:05 pm Instead of starting on this blog I write about the time I was chased by a fox, yup thats right i was chased by a fox and it wasnt that fun.



9:30 pm Playing Farkle can not belive that LA beat my score.



9:45 starting to think that this blog is going to take for ever to spell check, because i can not spell at all, this is now a horrible idea.



10:00 pm gone to bed good night world.





4:30 am wake up to go walk/jog and you know how the rest goes



There you go 24 hours of my life in a blog, wow im boring. Thanks for reading let me know what you think?

Why yes I am happy to see you and yes that is a bananna in my pocket.

I talked about in earlyer blogs how i used to be a pre-school teacher and i guess another funny story or thing i used to do involved the DHS lady.

Every so often we would have a visit from the DHS lady. She was an older hispanic woman and fairly atractive. Everyone would get nervous when she showed up, not me though I was never worried about here i would just alaways do what i did, whitch wasnt always what i was suppose to do tehe.She would never right me up though, probubly because i would flirt my ass off with here, never anything more lets get this clear because I had a Girlfriend and that shit is a no no with me. So she would ask me questions about the kids and i would answer them with the dumbest questions ever. Here is an example, DHS lady: What time did you wash the childern's hands Mr. Seth , Mr. Seth: Wow DHS Lady you smell amazing, and your shoes wow. , DHS Lady: Oh why thank you Mr. Seth its a new fragrance I'm trying. , Mr Seth: well its devine. DHS Lady: Oh thank you. Then she would leave me alone and our room would be cool. So either she thought I was hot or really really slow.

Either way it save my ass many many many many many of time.

yea big deal i pooped my pants.

I have be working out now for almost a year and have lost over 70 pound from when i started. I do mostly cardio, then more cardio, and then more cardio. So what would I do, I would wake up at 4 or 5 in he morning and walk for hours until i had to leave for work. I'm very proud of myself for this. Well that said there was one morning that it seemed that anything that could happen it would and here it goes.

It was around 4:30 and kind cold, I had my usual walking cloths on a hoodie jogging pants stocking hat and my shoes. So i was either walking or robbing some one. I started off moving pretty good you know feeling good glad to be out getting fresh air then when I come around the corner and take a few steps and i trip and fall on the road. i mean i fell hard and I was flipping out because i really had no idea why I fell. So i get up and dust myself off and keep going. Now any one who knows me well, knows i have horrible sinuses i mean they suck. So the pollen count was up and my sinuses have been bothering me all week, and I'm still walking. I get a couple block away from where i feel at i start feeling sick to my stomach. Well needless to say i think you know whats about to happen. Forget it I'm going to tell you any way. I threw up and I'm not talking a little it was quite a bit. But it wasn't food or the water i had been drinking it was a giant loogie. Ew i know but that's what happen. But i felt sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better after that happen. So I'm coming back around for my second lap. I pass where I fell, then I pass the giant loogie yes it still there. Then i get to this one part where there is a little creek type area, and i got my head phones on I think i was listening to Cool Kids - Gold and a Pager (GREAT SONG) when all of a sudden a fox pops out of the bushes. I kinda stop where I was standing. The fox start coming tword me so i move a little fast away from it, but then it starts moving faster, then i start jogging, it starts jogging. At this point I'm rattled and start running full sprint and the fox just stops and goes back. Now at this point i was probably around 330 - 320, I am dead tired so i decide to head back nut away from the fox. I get started back and I'm about two or three blocks away and yes sure enough i throw up another giant loogie. I finally get home and take a shower and after my shower i just sit and think about what the hell just happen to me. So after all of that I decided not to walk in my neighborhood anymore. I walk other places without foxes lol.

So your telling me there's a chance.

When i was younger i loved playing baseball, it was the most important thing to me at the time. My last year had some major highlights that will stick with me forever and here is just one memory that I would like to share with you.





I played third base for Madison little league on the met's, and allow me to brag on myself a little I wasn't to shabby more defence than offence. I loved it was the most fun ever. Well one night game it was the third inning or so and it was going by slooooooooooooooooooow. Batter comes up runner on second the pitch strike runner tries and steals third, catcher get out of position throws the ball to third, I get into position to make the play, we got him beat I'm going to make the tag and it going to be awesome. I go to make the catch and then, why i have no idea maybe god needed a laugh or something Else but the light go out and the ball hit me in the nose. It was no good at all. the lights are out I'm on the ground with blood coming out of my nose and everyone is kinda freaking out, not to bad but its still funny. Lights come on I'm still on the ground getting back up blood coming out of my nose, it was a glorious time for me, i finished the game, i was probably suppose to switch jerseys but they didn't have one big enough for me. hahhaha

let me go ahead and apologize ahead of time (adult content)

I've been to Knoxville plenty of times to realize that I would have failed miserably if i tried to go there, so like a smart person i just visited friend that attended there and yes there are plenty of good stories that came from my visits.On one visit Mike and I went up for the UGA game it was awesome. Georgia smashed them but that's not where the story is even though in that game Georgia ran back a 98 yard fumble. Its what happen after the game that made this trip magical.

We arrive in Knoxville and the smell of liquor hits my face like a brick, Mike looks at me and says this will be the best trip ever, and i agree. We show up to my friend Dug's apartment with a bag of clothes and a bottle of liquor each. Mike went with E & J and I went with Absolute, and we could of wet with the small bottles but noooooooooooooooooooo we went with the big boys. This was going to be a fun night to say the least. We get to the apartment and get started or at least catch up. The rest of the night is kinda a bler with flashes of stupid stuff we did like when Brando showed up after the game explaining about how he ran from the stadium and how he snuck liquor in by taping zip locked bags to his legs lol. Another one was when Mike was walking to the store to get some more drink and the helicopter hit him with the spot lite and he came back and we asked him why he same back and all he would say is "the helicopter caught me, freaking commies.". Or there was the breaking glass incident when me and dug were talking a really attractive girl way to pretty for me, and i mean WAY to pretty for me, or even Dug ( he is my pretty friend, and I'm not ashamed to admit it). So we are talking and i have had one, two, ten to many and I say something along the lines about how big Dug is ( I've herd rumors, but never positively confirmed this) and smash my glass cup on the ground and run off. Why would I do such a thing you ask, because I was batman and when your batman when you want to leave a situation you gotta got out like batman and distract everyone when you leave, so i smashed a glass on the ground and scampered off. There was also the time that dug called a beeper to come pick him up but he didn't show for three hours and when he did i was the only one outside and i made him take me to the store to get some more drink, so yes i posed as a frat boy for ten min. The Vic and Bill's incident was a good one Dug wanted to take us and it was late and we were hungry so we went. We get there and its packed, but we find a booth and we sit down dug get our food order for us so we are all three waiting at our booth when all of a sudden this girl come and sits down next to me and just starts talking to us like she has been there the whole time, but she hasn't and she is getting on my nerves because she wont shut up and she is obviously flirting with Dug and her gay friend is creeping me out big time. So I look at her and ask I'm my most sobering voice "UMMM are we going to make out or what?" She politely answers " Oh my god, no way ugh" so i nicely say " the get the f**** out of my booth stupid" when her gay friend say " damn girl he told you" and I laugh at her. then when we exit Vic and Bills there are two girls having trouble finding there cell phone and ask us to help them find it its in there car so we do. Then all of a sudden two large black me walk up and say very nicely
"what the hell are yall doing" dug quickly defuses the situation that I made easy because I kept shouting we are on the same team because I noticed that they were Georgia fans. So we finally get home and lay down for bed and i pass out immediately. I'm sleeping like a baby when to guys enter the room and wake me up by shaking my leg and calling me dug. they turn on the lights and say "your not dug" when i say "na duh what the hell are you guys" and they say "who the hell are you" this wen on for ten min and i can't help but notice that they have just shaved there heads with razors, how do you know that you may ask, well i can tell because the have cuts in there heads and are bleeding slightly in different areas on there heads. We finally figure out we are both friends of Dug's and I go back to sleep. This was just the first night. WOW!

A conversation with Percy.

As many of my readers know i walk and i walk a lot, it helps, with what i dunno but it just does. Well one day i met this plesent fellow named Percy who was pretty cool and this is the conversation i had with him.

Seth: Hey whats going on? Can i sit here?

Percy: Yea free country aint it, pluse i could use the company i guess. Whats your name?

Me: Seth and you?

Percy: Percy

Seth: Thats cool

Percy: Yea I guess

Seth: So what are you doing here?

Percy: Well I'm suppose to be walking for exercise because my doctor tells me to.

Seth: Well thats good, how long are you here?

Percy: Well my son-in-law drops me off around 3:30 and my daughter picks me up around 5:30 or as soon as she gets off work.

Seth: So your here for like 2 hours and your suppose to be walking and you don't so what do you do?

Percy: ah look at the ladies

Seth: hahahah your going to get in trouble ahhaha

Percy: haha no i wont im a little old man, and pluse if they catch me looking i just smile real big and tell them good morning in my nice little old guy voice

Seth: that is classy

Percy: Damn right it is

IF YOU READ THIS BLOG!

IF YOU READ THIS BLOG PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT AND NOT ON THIS PARTICULAR BLOG BUT ON ALL MY BLOGS. THIS WAY I KNOW IF SOMETHING IS FUNNY OR NOT AND I CAN KIND OF KEEP UP WITH HOW MANY PEOPLE READ MY BLOG OTHER THAN THAT HAVE A GREAT DAY!

Because Bill is my friend!

When i was young my mom asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up and I told her i wanted to be an army man, she said "well go to school great and education and you can be an army man". The I said "no i don't wanna be that i want to be a police man", she said "well go to school get a good education and you can be a police man". Then i said "no I want to be a fireman, she said "well got to school and get a good education and you can be a fireman". Then I said "no I wanna be a garbage man when i grown up", she said "well go to school get a good education and you can be a garbage man". Then i said "Mom i wanna be stupid". I would like to let everyone know that I'm just living the dream!

red bull and powerboats

There have been many many weird things that have happen to me. I seem to attract strange happenings. But the weirdest thing i have ever seen in my life was a guy wearing a halo neck thingy and he was driving a four wheeler. Many thing ran threw my head at the time when i saw it, but what really made me laugh was when he turned around the see the cars behind him that was just the funnest thing ever. He had to turn his whole body around to see what was behind him, and do you think he stopped, Ummmmmmmmm no he kept on moving. Wow, it got me thinking how he got hurt in the first place. Was he doing what he was doing right now and hit a bump and fell off because he didn't learn his lesson. Maybe he fell off his horse and felt this was safer. It could of been a wind surfing accident. what ever it was i enjoyed it very much, and would like to thank him for doing something silly like that!

but i dont wanna.

Something really funny happen to me valentines night. I went out with some friend nothing romantic just something to do since we were all single and nothing was going on. We went to our usual place Three Crow Bar nothing face but a fun place to go to hang out. I recommend it if your ever in the East Nashville area. So we are there having fun cracking jokes nothing to crazy just the norm. When all of a sudden the waitress come up to me and hands me a drink and say here this woman bout this for you. Well i was amazed at first but shit ill take a free drink plus I don't think any one would put the date rape drug in my drink, well you never know. So i looked at the lady and nodded thank you. She kinda had this look of concern and started walking towards me and when she got next to me she said " um I'm sorry but that drink was meant for the guy over there" the only thing I could say was " wow that's too bad he seems nice", asshole move maybe, but the lesson learned is grow a pair and go talk to someone do just send them a drink because some jackass could get it by accident and drink it.

Spell check blog!

So i get made fun of a lot, mostly by my sister when i write stuff online, about not being able to spell. So i got to thinking its apart of me that is really funny. So i decided to write a blog with out using spell check. A lot of you might be amazed that in past blogs you might say you found a missed spelled word. Well smarty pants you didn't you just found a word spelled correctly just not used in the right way, so poo on you. I have never ever been able to spell so good, and i mean ever. To this day i still ask people how to spell certain words. Even the easy words like holiday or fart maybe even holiday. The point of this is i never really scared to write even though i was tormented by everyone for this horrible thing i have. I always write how i want to spell check or no spell check. You might wonder who i blame for this, well not my parents and not my family. Mostly i blame the metro school system for their failure to make me a better citizen. So the next time you read this blog and you are amazed by all the grammar errors, don't be because I've been doing this for years and your just now catching on, and i just don't really care because its just another thing that can make people laugh. Have a great day!

We dont need no stinking badges.

I know the tittle is double negative, shut up.

Im 26 and as i reflect at the jobs i have had I cant help but think, damn i have had a lot of diffrent job doing a lot of diffrent things. My first job was at Sport Seasons in rivergat mall. Man did that job suck butt. I got paid like a nickle a hour, but the store discount was awsome. I had a manager there named lance he was an angry nome. he still works there you should stop by and gowk at him, he is the short bald guy. Then there was the stint at the Levi store, where i work with the to biggest tools ever. But they wernt the same type of tool they were very two diffrent tools. One was, or at least thought he was a cowboy, so i would always asking cowboy questions. Like what kind of gun is best for robbing trains or when your at a bar and you want a beer and someone spits on your boot are you suppose to slap his mother or marry his sister. Just any kind of stupid question with maybe two words having to do with cowboys. The olther thought he was God's Gift to the world to everyone. So to mess with him i would always bow when he entered the room now matter what i was doing or what i had in my hands. It would piss him off especially if i had his lunch in my hands. I would also anounce his entrance to the store over the entercome, i got introuble big time. So i always did it.

Just call me Mr. Awsome.

A lot of people don't know this about me but at one point in my life i was a preschool teacher. I was a preschool teacher for about a year and it was the most fun i have ever had at a job. I worked with four year old classroom. I'm not going to say where i worked for reasons all my own.Now a lot of funny things happen but the one story that stand out to me the most is this one.

One day out at the playground i was sitting watching the kids play on the playground when another teacher came and asked me a question and we started to talk. Don't worry there were other teachers watching the kids. There was one kid in my class that i really connected with he thought i was the coolest i and i thought the exact same about him. Well i was talking to the other teacher he came up to me and tyred to get my attention. He said "Mr. Sef, Mr. Sef" ( that what the kids called me they couldn't say Mr. Seth) I told him to hold one one second, but he kept going "Mr. Sef, Mr. Sef" I told him to hold one one more time. He climb up the back side of the picnic table that i was sitting on, so i couldn't see him. He said "Mr. Sef" I said what is it and turned my head. As soon as i got all the way around i was met with a fist to the the temple. This four year old drops me to my knees. It was a flash knockout. He jumps on my back and starts laughing. It was a joke to him, but not really to me because i just got knockout by a four year old. Man i miss that job sometimes.

Like a fat kid finishing first in the 100 yard dash, its not going to happen.

Never ever underestimate the power of the song "Fat Bottom Girls" sang live by 1000000000000000 drunk people and Frank Wycheck. It has the power to move mountains. Well at least 1000000000000000000 drunk people and Frank Wycheck. Sisters birthday was a blast.

But why can't I?

My friend Mike has got to be one of the coolest people in the world he has also got to be the one person i enjoy making laugh more than anything in this world. Why? Well because when he is truly laughing it is a sight to see. But this story isn't about Mike laughing its about Mike almost killing someone and its not sad hell Mike even laughs at it now. Well at least i think he does.

Me, Mike, and well lets just say it was me and Mike were at a party at R.W. house and we were just hanging out having fun. I was being my usually loud and crazy self and Mike was just hanging out. We knew a lot of people the mostly people i hung out with when i was in high school and now we are all in college and just hanging out. Well one of the people i hung out with in H.S. was there and we will just call him J.G. was there and he was starting to get on Mike's nerves and he was getting uneasy. J.G. kept nagging him and nagging and wouldn't stop you could actually see Mike starting to get pissed off and was uneasy. The J.G. said something really dumb to Mike. He said " Me and you man see man me and you are the same we are just alike" witch was a far from the truth as possible. I haven't see a person almost rip the soul out of another many times but Mike almost did. He don't like hearing bullshit to ofter and he hit his limit that night and so they start arguing. They star bickering and the only thing i could hear before it got broke up was Mike saying this " You know why i don't like you, because when you were in elementary school you wore Nike's and when i was in elementary school i wore voit's and I'm still bitter about that shit bitch" greatest quote ever right there every time i hear that it still makes me smile.

Wel that was uncalled for.

Now i wouldn't say I'm a raging alcoholic or anything like that. I am actually proud of myself on the fact that i have slowed my drinking down as much as i have. I used to be really bad. So know here is a look back at one of the dumbest things i have ever said while well you know.

Back in the day i used to frequent a bar called Mulligan's. Its a great place good drinks good music just a nice atmosphere. Well i was there with a group of people that i don't really talk to any more so i don't really feel bad about saying what i said. i was there hanging out doing what i do and just being my stupid self. Drinking my beer and having the occasional Irish car bomb. Witch is a glass of Guinness and a shot of baileys Irish cream mixed with whiskey. It calls for a wicked good time. Well this particular night i was enjoying my time there to say the least. Now there isn't much i can do very well, I can make people laugh, I can ship dental suppllies, and i can drink really really fast. Its almost ridiculous how fast i can drink. I'm not proud of it, but ill run with it. So that night the people i was with were talking about a friend they had was faster than me and she paid her was threw college out drinking guys twice my size and bla bla bla. Well the more the night went on the more they kept talking and the more they got on my nerves. So finally a pound my last beer down and they say some smart comment and I ask them well where is she them they proceed to tell me how she died three years ago and other stuff i forget and how she would drink faster than me and made me look like a bitch. When there are done i look at both of them and say this. ** Warning this is really dumb and don't for get the state of mind I'm in** I say " well go dig the bitch up and tell her lets go". Yes that exactly word for word what i told the without a flinch. I'm not proud by any means for what i said but after that they left me alone. It might of been for that or for some other stuff i called them out on. all i know is thank god i slowed down.

King of the appla.

When someone looks you in the eye and says "you know in retrospect my hindsight is 20-20" You look them in the eye and say "flabgabba goob" and stab them in the head with a pencil.Or at least thats what i wanted to do. Why say flabgabba goob because that makes and much since as what they said.

Family Photo.

Today i was sitting in my class waiting for it to start, and while i was i was listing to a pod cast from the moth. For those of you who don't know what the moth is look it up i wont tell you themoth.org its awesome and you should check it out i love it. i was listing to this guy tell a story about his last family photo. It got me thinking about mine.

Not that long ago, I think it was my sisters idea, we took a family photo with my moms side and my dad side of the family. it was a big deal since we were all getting older and about to start our own families. Well at the time i believe i was in the third or almost the third year in a relationship to a girl who would later become my fiance, and at my mother request she was asked to be in the photo. Well fast forward a little and it didn't work out. I'm not getting into that its a whole other blog. So now there are two family photo with an extra person whom i don't like at all and its safe to say that my family doesn't either. What really bothers me about this is its the last family pictures i have with my grandfathers. It sucks ass. So i just put post-it notes over her face. I guess the message i have here is go to every family gathering you never know when they are going to take a group shot and in family photos make sure all the right people are in there so you wont have a house full of post-it notes.

Don't forget to check out themoth.org

How to remain clam in a burning building.

The summer of 2002 I was visiting my friend Elliot in the boro. it was me, Tid, Aron, i think Greene and chase and some other people. I just can't remember them. We were hanging out doin stupid stuff as we would usually do, when the most outrageous offer ever presented itself to us. Elliot's neighbor walked over with a keg in his hand and said "hey you guys want this, yall can have the beer we just need the keg back and we don't have a pump" he had a party the night before and it was what was left over it was about half full. So of course we took it. Now this is where the challenge presented itself to use. How do we get the beer out? We tryed many different things so many i don't remember all of the but i do remember what worked. What we would do is first shake the keg then take the bottom half of a funnel that we had cut off and shove it in the neck of the keg cosing the beer to spray out, and it would spray all over the place. We collected the beer in a gallon milk jug with the top cut off then we would pour it into a pitcher and place it in the fridge. we did this until all the beer was gone, and yes i was the guy that shook the keg and the guy that would shove the nossel in the neck to get the beer out. If you don't believe me Tid has a video of me doing this with my shirt off. Not most outstanding moment, but it was funny as hell.

Yes I shot the Dog.

A lot of dumb shit happens to me in my life. So much so its not believable at all. So I have decided to catalog all the dumb, silly, stupid, and down right awesome things that happens to me, my friends, and family in this blog. I will not use real names so my friends and family will be safe from any harassment that may come there way because of this blog. So thank you fro reading and enjoy the car wreck that has become my life.