Sometime I amaze myself.....fuck that I always amaze myself........................

I has been a while since i have wrote on this page in a while... a lot has changed since 2011 I've lost a lot of weight and I turned 30.....but a lot has stayed the same my friends are still nuts, my life is still awesome, my grammar is still horrible, and i need to get back o writing on this page why......shit i don't know probably because i have nothing better to do with my life.............. also my beard is pretty amazing right now.......  here is a picture of me and my mom

My name is Danger, but you can call me Seth.

If your laying in bed with a girl and she asks, "have you ever wondered who invented kisses?" you pat her on her head and say "Jesus did baby" and roll over and go to bed.

TRUE STORY

yea she dumb, but she mine, alllllll miiiiiine

I once made a promise to myself i would never ever write about what happens to me at my job in fear of what could happen to me. after much thinking and coaxing from a friend i have decided to do away with that promise only because some of my best stories are now because of the the people i work with. to put it nicely they are all insane and here is how i deiced to prove it with some life lessons, but no real name will be used and you will never know where i work, unless of course you are ready know where i work or you work with me oh creepy if you read my blog.

TO start thing off im going to write a story that i tell a lot of people about little ol lady. yes thats the name i gave her shut up. Ok it was me Nard Dog, Mac C and Lil ol lady and we all went to grab a bite to eat at the local el chico, me and the nard dog frequented there at this time to get away from the place we call work any who we are sitting there looking at our menus figuring out what we wanted to eat so i order some cheese dip while we look the was the usual for me and the nard dog well lil ol lady starts looking at us funny and says "what is that?, What Is That?, WHAT IS THAT?" now i can do it any justice but just think about the funniest lil old lady voice saying that and you will be close. so i tell here its cheese dip "ohhhhhhh cheese?" at this point i can only Columbus find the Americas had the same reaction to finding something new so the nard dog ask if she would like to try some and she is all about some cheese dip at this time i ,mean she is going at it with fury and rage i have never seen before the whole time saying "oh it so geewd oh so geewed oh geewed" then nard dog says "he said you could try it no eat all of it" with her mouth full of cheese dip and chips she says "sorry but its so geewed" thats not the grossest part of this outing there was the simple fact that the little ol lady never realized she had cheeses dip all around her mouth, you also have to understand at el chico they sell two different types of cheese dip there is yellow and there is white we had bout the white so it looked like well i think you get the idea with out me going on if not then go rub white cheese dip all over your face an figure it out for yourself and no i didnt tell her because if i did it wouldnt be funny if i did.

Yea the goat had it commin, he was talking shit.

So I got some good new, but we are going to star this off right. If you read or have read my blog I'm not really shy about saying I'm 26 and live with my parents. I'm not proud of it but it works or should i say worked. That's right ladies and germs I'm moving out. After two glorious years at home the turkey is leaving the nest yet again. lol its a good time in my life right now got a new car and a new place to say "tear" I'm a big boy now and i cant wait to see what I'm going to be when i grow up. Well i thought i would blog about this since not much else is going on in my life, besides school witch is awesome, not really. I'm out later

I told my mom no pickles, GOSH!

So there are a lot of thing I'm not proud of, the night i stole Christmas was not one of the things im not proud of. This was truly a night i will tell everyone i meet, it just to damn funny.



I met some guys at a friends house and we all decide to ride to another friends house where more people were hanging out at. So i catch a ride with Tid and Chase (two funny funny people) We get to this guys house and it this first time Ive been here and everyone is hanging out in the basement. we walk in and dang this is pretty cool big screen TV and a PS two (yea it was that long ago that a PS two was cool) we goofed off and played games cracked jokes. Until this guy names Pace challenges me to a game of chess. Now if you know me the is one thing for sure I'm not the sharpest knife in the kitchen, so why in the hell would i play chess. Because Pace get on my nerves an he i just as dumb as me so game on bitches. Watching us play at first is Tid and chase, we all start drinking from the antique coke machine that they had. By the end of the second game everyone is watching us and all the coke is out of the machine. Three people drank every coke in the machine. Needless to say the owner was not to pleased at all. So the party breaks up and everyone goes there separate ways except for me, chase, and Tid. Its December and where we are there are a lot of decorations out in peoples yards. I holler at Tid to pull over he think i got to pee or something but no i take off running and i take all the candy canes in the yard and run back to the car and i fall trying to run up a hill, let the fun begin, i think it was like 5 or 6. I get back to the car and everyone is getty with joy and we are laughing really hard. We don't get two blocks when chase says stop the car and Tid does and he shoots out of the car and snatches up half the damn yard. I was amazed but chase did play football and could run like a deer. He get back to the car with at least 10 or fifteen different things. I was topped and i couldn't let this happen. We go maybe two houses down and i yell stop Tid does and the yard is full of crap except and all three of us get out and grab all we can by the end of this at least 10 - 15 yard are missing their decorations, and they are in Tid's car. I know what your asking yourself why would i do such a thing and what the hell did you do with all the decorations? Well had all had about 20 cokes each in like a hour period so we where jacked up and mix it with adrenaline and we were turbo jacked, and the best part about it all was was put in my friend Dug parent's yard. It was amazing the sight of the what was 10 - 15 yards worth of Christmas decorations. Yes i stole Christmas and it was fun. Wait that sounds really bad.

Yea i just rubbed that, all over my face.*

Some of my stories happen at a happy little place called Three Crow Bar and for good reason. Its a good place to hang out with people. Plus two for one Wed & Sun is good enuff for me to stop by and say hi. Well one particular night with my friend ben we had an espicially fun evening.

We get there and we find a table and leap on it as fast as possible, I think i even elbowed a nin to get to my table. So we are hangin out having a blast playing cheesey ass songs on the Jukebox. It was a wicked good time. Then all of a sudden this hot girl comes to our table and starts chatting us up. Now this is not the norm for three crow, not because im not attractive, lets face it im hot, ok now we have that out of the way, she is really cool and fun to talk to i make her laugh ben makes her laugh she makes us laugh then all of a sundden she looks at a table behind her and ill be damned if its not full of at least 6 other fine girls. At this point i take a mental not as to what i have one, what i did that day and how i did it, because obviously what ever i did it worked ( side note i copied eveything i did that day one time and went to three crow on a 2 4 1 night and it did not work at all) they all come over and i ask them what they do for a living, you know just making convo, & being the nice guy i am. When all of them say what they do. Ladies and gents im not lieing to you when i write this, this is really what they do. a libraryan, a firewoman, a teacher, a doctor, a vetinarian, a dentist. Me and ben look at each other wow they are girls and have real jobs this is to crazy. They ask me and ben and we tell them they giggle not because our jobs suck but because we both have funny stories that go with our jobs. We get a round of shots and befor we take them something hits me. I lean over to be and say this. " you do realize the last time we hang out with these girls was when we were four and the were in a childrens book." ben looks at me then at them and says "yea but im 26 and they are fine and they are real now" Needless too say we didnt hook up with any of them, sad i know, but it was funny. They were cool, we were nice so it was a good time. We see the girls out randomly but never as a group, till this day we never see them out as a group and its usually just one of the never together. Side story when we first started talking to them one of the girls said this to ben "you sir are a thug" ben "what?, how the hell am i thug" girl " you sir are put together well and smell good" ben "then i guess i am a thug" Seth " and i smell like shit"


* - still working on this

It was kinda like poking myself in the eye!

I have been on bad dates then there was the most amazing time i had the other night and this is how it broke down.

We were suppose to eat at 7 but it all kinda broke down she was going to be there later and we didn't eat until 745 good start.

we get there about 8 fifteen minutes after our new time and a hour from our original.

normally I'm a great conversationalist lol but i guess i went completely retarded because i would talk and i would get nothing so knowing the person i am ill only be able to do this for another hour and I'm going to give up.

so we get done eating and i manage to salvage some of the dinner, yes I'm that good, good enough to earn a peck kiss awe shucks. after dinner we head to one of my favorite bars good ol three crow bar woohoo at least i will be comfortable.

so i get there oh and i did forget to mention I'm going to meet couple of her friend um like 8 with out knowing a fucking person this should be fucking awesome if you cant tell my level of pissed ness has risen.

we get there and go to the bar and instead of sitting next to me she sits next to her gay (this is what girls call their gay male friend) instead of me, making talking the easiest this in the world now especially in a bar setting. I'm back on the clock the hour is counting down.

after spending fifteen minutes of throwing napkin balls in to a trash can i get introduced to her friends she introduces me as her date and in a joking manner i say i wouldn't go that far, we all laugh witch is surprising, but it worked, ah now back to working on my jump shot

the bartender asked me to stop making a mess, so i do, but now i need to find something else to do, oh wow she came over and said hi and gave a mercy hug, how lucky am i right now, about thirty min left and I'm gone

wow more friends show up this is getting better oh ouch she totally forgot to introduce me ouch ouch ouch guess those are two more people i will never have the pleasure of knowing damn that sucks bla lol

so for the last fifteen minutes i entertain myself with giving everyone else dialog in my head if they aren't going to talk to me i might as well make them talk so much fun

well times up i tell her I'm heading out and she doesn't even get up to tell me bye dang that hurts real bad not really it makes for a faster escape hahaha freedom now off to home so i cant sleep off this horrible night

Dates are baaaaaaaaaaaaaad and then they are really bad take my advice don't get upset or mad just make the most of it sure when all said and done you may feel like it was a big waste of time but in the end you end up looking like the better person for reals. haha

Sometime i like to pee in the dark.

things i have done that really don't have a story but are funny.

1. Cried at the end of harry and the Henderson's movie

2. Threw up in the movie theater while watching turner and hooch\

3. Cried at batteries not included movie

4. Threw up at the theater at K-9

5. Once poured Ajax on my swimming trunks and went streaking to the pool and jumped in naked.

6. Ruined my sisters 13Th or 14Th birthday party by walking around with my shirt off and flexing for the ladies.

7. Blew my sister birthday candles out with my nose

8. Used my sisters left over icing from her cake to make a beard.

9. got my hand stuck in the VCR for about a hour while i was home alone, i was like 11.

10. I was kicked in the nut by a kid tackling the tackle dummy during practice.

11. Went on a walk and saw two deer getting it on.

12.

(I WILL KEEP ADDING TO THIS AS I REMEMBER SO CHECK BACK FOR MORE FUNNY OR IF YOU HAVE ONE FEEL FREE TO ADD BUT ITS SOMETHING I DID THAT DOESN'T REALLY HAVE A STORY, IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING I JUST DID)

awwwww Mom said bullshit

There was a period in my life where i was extremely accident prone. It was a ruff time, but we got threw it. So with that said here is a story about a trip to the ER!

It was December and i had been 14 for two months now. I hurt my ankle earlier in the week during some exercises in gym class at the good ol Neely's Bend Middle School. My dad had taken me to the doctor before but know he was getting kind of irritated about the whole situation. So we went to the ER at the TCMC. We get there and get checked in, the doctor there sees me, tells me what me and my dad thought i have a broke ankle and we get an appointment to go get a cast. Here is where the story starts to get a little cooky. We get done and me and my dad are walking out and he says wait here I'm going to go get the truck. Well I could of made this easy by just waiting there and getting in the truck and going home that could be were the story ended but no it couldn't be that simple. My dad walks off and I'm standing there and I see the coke machines and I think to myself hmmm i wonder if there is any lose change in those coke machines so i can buy me a coke. Bad move on my part. I go in there ( I'm on crutches at this point) I check the first one and the last thing i remember is waking up and asking my mom what did the put in and what did they take out. The reason is because a month earlier i had my appendix taken out (crazy i know). What I was told that happen was I passed out falling backward and put my head threw the wall. Craziness i know. My mom says i kept waking up and asking her the same questions over and over then i would pass out. The questions were What did the take out and what did they put in and what did you get me for Christmas. I know i must not of been that bed but my mom was freaking out because the nurse told he that To make sure i wasn't repeating my self , because if i was it probably meant i had a serious concussion. ( i didn't have one). Everything was OK and i was ready to go home but this time the wheeled me out in a wheelchair so i couldn't pass out on the floor again. Oh yea i forgot i had the flu while all this was going on.

yea big deal i pooped my pants.

I have be working out now for almost a year and have lost over 70 pound from when i started. I do mostly cardio, then more cardio, and then more cardio. So what would I do, I would wake up at 4 or 5 in he morning and walk for hours until i had to leave for work. I'm very proud of myself for this. Well that said there was one morning that it seemed that anything that could happen it would and here it goes.

It was around 4:30 and kind cold, I had my usual walking cloths on a hoodie jogging pants stocking hat and my shoes. So i was either walking or robbing some one. I started off moving pretty good you know feeling good glad to be out getting fresh air then when I come around the corner and take a few steps and i trip and fall on the road. i mean i fell hard and I was flipping out because i really had no idea why I fell. So i get up and dust myself off and keep going. Now any one who knows me well, knows i have horrible sinuses i mean they suck. So the pollen count was up and my sinuses have been bothering me all week, and I'm still walking. I get a couple block away from where i feel at i start feeling sick to my stomach. Well needless to say i think you know whats about to happen. Forget it I'm going to tell you any way. I threw up and I'm not talking a little it was quite a bit. But it wasn't food or the water i had been drinking it was a giant loogie. Ew i know but that's what happen. But i felt sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better after that happen. So I'm coming back around for my second lap. I pass where I fell, then I pass the giant loogie yes it still there. Then i get to this one part where there is a little creek type area, and i got my head phones on I think i was listening to Cool Kids - Gold and a Pager (GREAT SONG) when all of a sudden a fox pops out of the bushes. I kinda stop where I was standing. The fox start coming tword me so i move a little fast away from it, but then it starts moving faster, then i start jogging, it starts jogging. At this point I'm rattled and start running full sprint and the fox just stops and goes back. Now at this point i was probably around 330 - 320, I am dead tired so i decide to head back nut away from the fox. I get started back and I'm about two or three blocks away and yes sure enough i throw up another giant loogie. I finally get home and take a shower and after my shower i just sit and think about what the hell just happen to me. So after all of that I decided not to walk in my neighborhood anymore. I walk other places without foxes lol.

Spell check blog!

So i get made fun of a lot, mostly by my sister when i write stuff online, about not being able to spell. So i got to thinking its apart of me that is really funny. So i decided to write a blog with out using spell check. A lot of you might be amazed that in past blogs you might say you found a missed spelled word. Well smarty pants you didn't you just found a word spelled correctly just not used in the right way, so poo on you. I have never ever been able to spell so good, and i mean ever. To this day i still ask people how to spell certain words. Even the easy words like holiday or fart maybe even holiday. The point of this is i never really scared to write even though i was tormented by everyone for this horrible thing i have. I always write how i want to spell check or no spell check. You might wonder who i blame for this, well not my parents and not my family. Mostly i blame the metro school system for their failure to make me a better citizen. So the next time you read this blog and you are amazed by all the grammar errors, don't be because I've been doing this for years and your just now catching on, and i just don't really care because its just another thing that can make people laugh. Have a great day!