Time to nut up or shut up!

the absolutely funniest thing in the history of life happen the other day. Well maybe not the history of life but it was pretty damn close. It was kinda like seeing a unicorn it was something that happen and the timing was just right to make it amazing. What happen you ask well this is what happen.

Last Sunday i was at dug's parents house watching football. They put together a good group of food and people to watch football and hang out. So its the end of the titans game and me dug and Tyler decide to go throw football to wast time in between games. its going pretty good nothing to Fancy then one of the group comes out to throw with us. He is cool hung out with him plenty of Times to know he aight, i do feel bad, i can remember his name to save my life though. Its going good then the group of i would say high school aged boy that are there come up and throw with us. Now there are tow at the end with me and Tyler and one went down with dug and the other guy. The one down there is jumping right into it. I would say showing off a lil bit. Not enough to get on any ones nerves. then i notice the guy say something to dug. The only thing that goes off in my head when i see this is " holy shit this is going to be good" . Tyler has the ball and dug points up as if to say "hey friend lob this one up for you friend" and Tyler nods as if to say " sure pal, anything for a friend" and Tyler hums that mofo. Now for those who may not know what "Tyler humms that mofo" means, it means Tyler threw the ball really freaking hard i could hear the wind come off of it. So the kid jumps for the ball and dug grabs the bottom of his shorts and his shorts come down. Now the kid has a choice to make go for the ball or go for the shorts. Guess what he did? That's right he went for the shorts. Hear is some advice if you ever find yourself with this choice. Go for the ball, go for the ball, GO FOR THE FREAKING BALL. Because he went for the shorts and the ball hit him right in the face causing him to fall down in the yard with his shorts down around his ankles. At this point me and Tyler are laughing so hard we are hugging each other to hold each other up. It was insane how funny this was. The kid was OK and we knew it so calm down. He was a good sport to, rolled over and with blood coming out of his nose looked at dug and said "payback is a bitch dug". So after he left I tyred to convince dug to send balloons to his school with a card that read. "Roses are red, Violets are blue, your eye is black, Boo whoo. Hope your face feels better, Cordially Dug" So he could be two up on the kid. But dug said no sadly and he felt real bad about it. So me and Tyler made him feel worse about it. hahahahaha Great Day!!!!!!!!

Alfagabbadub

I cant tell you when the last time i talked to a girl, woman, or what ever you call it and took the conversation seriously. I have no idea what its about me lately but I just don't care about there feelings or what they are saying. Ill call if i want to and i don't want to talk i just let it ring or in my case i got tired of my ringer and switched to vibrate. Nothing against them its just they are on my nerves. Also my approach to girls mimics that of a 7 year old on the play ground, What I'm trying to say here is that if i think a girl is cute i tend to make fun of them. Why i have no idea but it works about 2% of the time and its a sure fire way to find what i like to call "the crazies" they are nice i don't want to sound mean or anything, but they crazy. I talked about this with the nard dog and he spent 45 min trying to convince me I was gay witch funny yes but far from the truth. I guess this is just proof that i haven't matured as much as i thought i have in the past couple of years hmm and maybe i just don't want a relationship and I'm yet again doing this to myself just to see how i would handle this, well that's it I'm going to go play with my G.I. Joe's now later.

Well if it isn't Mr. Fartbagt!

There have been a lot of stories that I have herd why me and my ex broke up. I guess its just what happens when peoples minds wonder. Its has always been funny to me to hear about how i cheated or she cheated or someone got pregnate when none of that is true. But the last thing I herd was baffling to me on how in the hell it could be true. Let me get this clear before i go any further i have never or will never (pending hard evedence) belive anything that is told to be. So with that out of the way i was told that we split up because I was leading a double life. When hearing this I quickly broke into laughter then craped my pants. After doing this I got to thinking what if i had a double life what would i be? Maybe I was a secret agent flying around to diffrent countries killing people. Or maybe my other life i was a drug lord and i just used every thing i did during the day as a front. Ah what about a stripper i know plenty of women folk who would like to put dollars in my undies. Could i have a whole nother family i dunno. What if i was a prince of a forgein country yea that sounds good. lol sadly i am not any of these im just a ruglar guy, but its still funny how peoples minds wonder. I just sit back relax and let the dumb people do dumb stuff for me, so i have something to write about. Well either that or i go out with my friends and I do something creative. lol

Yea i just rubbed that, all over my face.*

Some of my stories happen at a happy little place called Three Crow Bar and for good reason. Its a good place to hang out with people. Plus two for one Wed & Sun is good enuff for me to stop by and say hi. Well one particular night with my friend ben we had an espicially fun evening.

We get there and we find a table and leap on it as fast as possible, I think i even elbowed a nin to get to my table. So we are hangin out having a blast playing cheesey ass songs on the Jukebox. It was a wicked good time. Then all of a sudden this hot girl comes to our table and starts chatting us up. Now this is not the norm for three crow, not because im not attractive, lets face it im hot, ok now we have that out of the way, she is really cool and fun to talk to i make her laugh ben makes her laugh she makes us laugh then all of a sundden she looks at a table behind her and ill be damned if its not full of at least 6 other fine girls. At this point i take a mental not as to what i have one, what i did that day and how i did it, because obviously what ever i did it worked ( side note i copied eveything i did that day one time and went to three crow on a 2 4 1 night and it did not work at all) they all come over and i ask them what they do for a living, you know just making convo, & being the nice guy i am. When all of them say what they do. Ladies and gents im not lieing to you when i write this, this is really what they do. a libraryan, a firewoman, a teacher, a doctor, a vetinarian, a dentist. Me and ben look at each other wow they are girls and have real jobs this is to crazy. They ask me and ben and we tell them they giggle not because our jobs suck but because we both have funny stories that go with our jobs. We get a round of shots and befor we take them something hits me. I lean over to be and say this. " you do realize the last time we hang out with these girls was when we were four and the were in a childrens book." ben looks at me then at them and says "yea but im 26 and they are fine and they are real now" Needless too say we didnt hook up with any of them, sad i know, but it was funny. They were cool, we were nice so it was a good time. We see the girls out randomly but never as a group, till this day we never see them out as a group and its usually just one of the never together. Side story when we first started talking to them one of the girls said this to ben "you sir are a thug" ben "what?, how the hell am i thug" girl " you sir are put together well and smell good" ben "then i guess i am a thug" Seth " and i smell like shit"


* - still working on this

awwwww Mom said bullshit

There was a period in my life where i was extremely accident prone. It was a ruff time, but we got threw it. So with that said here is a story about a trip to the ER!

It was December and i had been 14 for two months now. I hurt my ankle earlier in the week during some exercises in gym class at the good ol Neely's Bend Middle School. My dad had taken me to the doctor before but know he was getting kind of irritated about the whole situation. So we went to the ER at the TCMC. We get there and get checked in, the doctor there sees me, tells me what me and my dad thought i have a broke ankle and we get an appointment to go get a cast. Here is where the story starts to get a little cooky. We get done and me and my dad are walking out and he says wait here I'm going to go get the truck. Well I could of made this easy by just waiting there and getting in the truck and going home that could be were the story ended but no it couldn't be that simple. My dad walks off and I'm standing there and I see the coke machines and I think to myself hmmm i wonder if there is any lose change in those coke machines so i can buy me a coke. Bad move on my part. I go in there ( I'm on crutches at this point) I check the first one and the last thing i remember is waking up and asking my mom what did the put in and what did they take out. The reason is because a month earlier i had my appendix taken out (crazy i know). What I was told that happen was I passed out falling backward and put my head threw the wall. Craziness i know. My mom says i kept waking up and asking her the same questions over and over then i would pass out. The questions were What did the take out and what did they put in and what did you get me for Christmas. I know i must not of been that bed but my mom was freaking out because the nurse told he that To make sure i wasn't repeating my self , because if i was it probably meant i had a serious concussion. ( i didn't have one). Everything was OK and i was ready to go home but this time the wheeled me out in a wheelchair so i couldn't pass out on the floor again. Oh yea i forgot i had the flu while all this was going on.

yea big deal i pooped my pants.

I have be working out now for almost a year and have lost over 70 pound from when i started. I do mostly cardio, then more cardio, and then more cardio. So what would I do, I would wake up at 4 or 5 in he morning and walk for hours until i had to leave for work. I'm very proud of myself for this. Well that said there was one morning that it seemed that anything that could happen it would and here it goes.

It was around 4:30 and kind cold, I had my usual walking cloths on a hoodie jogging pants stocking hat and my shoes. So i was either walking or robbing some one. I started off moving pretty good you know feeling good glad to be out getting fresh air then when I come around the corner and take a few steps and i trip and fall on the road. i mean i fell hard and I was flipping out because i really had no idea why I fell. So i get up and dust myself off and keep going. Now any one who knows me well, knows i have horrible sinuses i mean they suck. So the pollen count was up and my sinuses have been bothering me all week, and I'm still walking. I get a couple block away from where i feel at i start feeling sick to my stomach. Well needless to say i think you know whats about to happen. Forget it I'm going to tell you any way. I threw up and I'm not talking a little it was quite a bit. But it wasn't food or the water i had been drinking it was a giant loogie. Ew i know but that's what happen. But i felt sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better after that happen. So I'm coming back around for my second lap. I pass where I fell, then I pass the giant loogie yes it still there. Then i get to this one part where there is a little creek type area, and i got my head phones on I think i was listening to Cool Kids - Gold and a Pager (GREAT SONG) when all of a sudden a fox pops out of the bushes. I kinda stop where I was standing. The fox start coming tword me so i move a little fast away from it, but then it starts moving faster, then i start jogging, it starts jogging. At this point I'm rattled and start running full sprint and the fox just stops and goes back. Now at this point i was probably around 330 - 320, I am dead tired so i decide to head back nut away from the fox. I get started back and I'm about two or three blocks away and yes sure enough i throw up another giant loogie. I finally get home and take a shower and after my shower i just sit and think about what the hell just happen to me. So after all of that I decided not to walk in my neighborhood anymore. I walk other places without foxes lol.