Time to nut up or shut up!

the absolutely funniest thing in the history of life happen the other day. Well maybe not the history of life but it was pretty damn close. It was kinda like seeing a unicorn it was something that happen and the timing was just right to make it amazing. What happen you ask well this is what happen.

Last Sunday i was at dug's parents house watching football. They put together a good group of food and people to watch football and hang out. So its the end of the titans game and me dug and Tyler decide to go throw football to wast time in between games. its going pretty good nothing to Fancy then one of the group comes out to throw with us. He is cool hung out with him plenty of Times to know he aight, i do feel bad, i can remember his name to save my life though. Its going good then the group of i would say high school aged boy that are there come up and throw with us. Now there are tow at the end with me and Tyler and one went down with dug and the other guy. The one down there is jumping right into it. I would say showing off a lil bit. Not enough to get on any ones nerves. then i notice the guy say something to dug. The only thing that goes off in my head when i see this is " holy shit this is going to be good" . Tyler has the ball and dug points up as if to say "hey friend lob this one up for you friend" and Tyler nods as if to say " sure pal, anything for a friend" and Tyler hums that mofo. Now for those who may not know what "Tyler humms that mofo" means, it means Tyler threw the ball really freaking hard i could hear the wind come off of it. So the kid jumps for the ball and dug grabs the bottom of his shorts and his shorts come down. Now the kid has a choice to make go for the ball or go for the shorts. Guess what he did? That's right he went for the shorts. Hear is some advice if you ever find yourself with this choice. Go for the ball, go for the ball, GO FOR THE FREAKING BALL. Because he went for the shorts and the ball hit him right in the face causing him to fall down in the yard with his shorts down around his ankles. At this point me and Tyler are laughing so hard we are hugging each other to hold each other up. It was insane how funny this was. The kid was OK and we knew it so calm down. He was a good sport to, rolled over and with blood coming out of his nose looked at dug and said "payback is a bitch dug". So after he left I tyred to convince dug to send balloons to his school with a card that read. "Roses are red, Violets are blue, your eye is black, Boo whoo. Hope your face feels better, Cordially Dug" So he could be two up on the kid. But dug said no sadly and he felt real bad about it. So me and Tyler made him feel worse about it. hahahahaha Great Day!!!!!!!!

So Ive been Sick for three days.

Ive have been sick for three days and I'm just now starting to feel a little normal, an i have found out some new things about myself

- Its possible to watch every season of the office in under a day
- season two is and always will be my favorite
- you can live off of diet mountain dew for three days, not recommended but you can
- grilled cheese sandwiches made by my mother are still the best thing in the world and nothing will change that
- i have gotten more sleep than i have ever gotten and it still doesn't make me feel any better
-night Quill is amazing
- sometimes toast with nothing on it is exactly what it is, cardboard
-finally ate normal food, waffles with syrup kinda tasted weird with diet mountain dew
- strange enough id rather be at work
- when you start to hallucinate its time to take a nap
-with a soar throat gargling salt water is never fun but is necessary
- being sick comfortable is not a word its more like manageable

Well if it isn't Mr. Fartbagt!

There have been a lot of stories that I have herd why me and my ex broke up. I guess its just what happens when peoples minds wonder. Its has always been funny to me to hear about how i cheated or she cheated or someone got pregnate when none of that is true. But the last thing I herd was baffling to me on how in the hell it could be true. Let me get this clear before i go any further i have never or will never (pending hard evedence) belive anything that is told to be. So with that out of the way i was told that we split up because I was leading a double life. When hearing this I quickly broke into laughter then craped my pants. After doing this I got to thinking what if i had a double life what would i be? Maybe I was a secret agent flying around to diffrent countries killing people. Or maybe my other life i was a drug lord and i just used every thing i did during the day as a front. Ah what about a stripper i know plenty of women folk who would like to put dollars in my undies. Could i have a whole nother family i dunno. What if i was a prince of a forgein country yea that sounds good. lol sadly i am not any of these im just a ruglar guy, but its still funny how peoples minds wonder. I just sit back relax and let the dumb people do dumb stuff for me, so i have something to write about. Well either that or i go out with my friends and I do something creative. lol

I told my mom no pickles, GOSH!

So there are a lot of thing I'm not proud of, the night i stole Christmas was not one of the things im not proud of. This was truly a night i will tell everyone i meet, it just to damn funny.



I met some guys at a friends house and we all decide to ride to another friends house where more people were hanging out at. So i catch a ride with Tid and Chase (two funny funny people) We get to this guys house and it this first time Ive been here and everyone is hanging out in the basement. we walk in and dang this is pretty cool big screen TV and a PS two (yea it was that long ago that a PS two was cool) we goofed off and played games cracked jokes. Until this guy names Pace challenges me to a game of chess. Now if you know me the is one thing for sure I'm not the sharpest knife in the kitchen, so why in the hell would i play chess. Because Pace get on my nerves an he i just as dumb as me so game on bitches. Watching us play at first is Tid and chase, we all start drinking from the antique coke machine that they had. By the end of the second game everyone is watching us and all the coke is out of the machine. Three people drank every coke in the machine. Needless to say the owner was not to pleased at all. So the party breaks up and everyone goes there separate ways except for me, chase, and Tid. Its December and where we are there are a lot of decorations out in peoples yards. I holler at Tid to pull over he think i got to pee or something but no i take off running and i take all the candy canes in the yard and run back to the car and i fall trying to run up a hill, let the fun begin, i think it was like 5 or 6. I get back to the car and everyone is getty with joy and we are laughing really hard. We don't get two blocks when chase says stop the car and Tid does and he shoots out of the car and snatches up half the damn yard. I was amazed but chase did play football and could run like a deer. He get back to the car with at least 10 or fifteen different things. I was topped and i couldn't let this happen. We go maybe two houses down and i yell stop Tid does and the yard is full of crap except and all three of us get out and grab all we can by the end of this at least 10 - 15 yard are missing their decorations, and they are in Tid's car. I know what your asking yourself why would i do such a thing and what the hell did you do with all the decorations? Well had all had about 20 cokes each in like a hour period so we where jacked up and mix it with adrenaline and we were turbo jacked, and the best part about it all was was put in my friend Dug parent's yard. It was amazing the sight of the what was 10 - 15 yards worth of Christmas decorations. Yes i stole Christmas and it was fun. Wait that sounds really bad.

AWWWWW Snap!

So at work today i had to get a lot of stuff done like pay a phone bill, buy my books, and get a present for someone. And yes it had to be done right then and there. So i went in early so i could get it done off the clock and not get in trouble. Because i knew i wouldnt have time to get all this done after work plus i needed to pay my bill asap and want my books to ship out that day and if i tryed to do this befor work i would of been late. witch now that I look back i should of just come in late. So i walk in get on go to the place i need to pay my bill and the lady that works behind me walks up and just starts staring at the screen nothing eles just staring at the screen. I say politly "Do you need something", "no" she say. Then why the hell are you lookingg at my info you crazy lady. so i turn the monitor off and explain to her the deal and she says ok. So I turn around again and get started and shure enough she does the same thing. So i cut to the chase and tell her to go away, and she does, but instead of leaving me alone she starts asking me the dumbest questiong like what the weather is going to be like and how tall is sanata clause and how much is the doggy in the window and stuff about tyler perry so i turn around and explain once again that i need to get this done and stop talking to me and I will be more than pleased to answer any and all of lifes questions when i get done. She gets mad and storms off. Thank goodness she is gone, back to work. 5 min. into it and i mean just 5 min, into it and someone else walk up to me, and im not to happy about this guy showing up. He is one of those guys who doesnt know when to leave and when your trying to be nice he doesnt get the picture. So i tell him as soon as he walks up to me I am very bust go away. This is what he says word for word, "Oh yea man i totaly understand your trying to do something like REALLy important and someone wont stop talking to you like when my wife is at home and im trying to watch something on t.v. and she is all like bla bla bla and im all like babe im trying to watch this and she is al like bla bla bla and im all like babe im watchin something on tv and she is still like bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla and im get up and yell at here DAMNIT BABE IM TRYING TO WATCH THIS ON THE NFL NETWORK AND YOU GETTING ON MY FUCKING NERVES BABE then she get the fucking piture and then i can watch what im watching and when im done im all like ok babe what did you want and it usually something stupid so i know exactly how it is mantrust me i know" all i can do or say is "shut the fuck up and go away before i hit you in your tiny head" that might get anyone to leave but not this guy he says "whoa totaly get the picture dude you must really have something important your trying to do so yea i can totaly understand why you need to pay attention so you dont like mess anything up you know what i mean" i throw a box at him and he scampers off in fear. now i can get down to business because its business time (thank you Flight of the conchords) so i get my books paid for and im almost done with the rest until someone eles comes walking up and he says he man what ya doin? i tell him i was trying to get something done and he says really what and walksup and starts looking on the screen and trying to be nosey then i turn the monitor off and hit him with a box and told him to fuck off and he tryed to explain he was just trying to help and i screamed at him no words just screaming because he was making my head hurt so bad i had to scream at him. he also scampered off and then i finaly got everything done just in time to clock i on time for work. thank goodness i have a job.

Because Bill is my friend!

When i was young my mom asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up and I told her i wanted to be an army man, she said "well go to school great and education and you can be an army man". The I said "no i don't wanna be that i want to be a police man", she said "well go to school get a good education and you can be a police man". Then i said "no I want to be a fireman, she said "well got to school and get a good education and you can be a fireman". Then I said "no I wanna be a garbage man when i grown up", she said "well go to school get a good education and you can be a garbage man". Then i said "Mom i wanna be stupid". I would like to let everyone know that I'm just living the dream!