Sometime I amaze myself.....fuck that I always amaze myself........................

I has been a while since i have wrote on this page in a while... a lot has changed since 2011 I've lost a lot of weight and I turned 30.....but a lot has stayed the same my friends are still nuts, my life is still awesome, my grammar is still horrible, and i need to get back o writing on this page why......shit i don't know probably because i have nothing better to do with my life.............. also my beard is pretty amazing right now.......  here is a picture of me and my mom

Yea the goat had it commin, he was talking shit.

So I got some good new, but we are going to star this off right. If you read or have read my blog I'm not really shy about saying I'm 26 and live with my parents. I'm not proud of it but it works or should i say worked. That's right ladies and germs I'm moving out. After two glorious years at home the turkey is leaving the nest yet again. lol its a good time in my life right now got a new car and a new place to say "tear" I'm a big boy now and i cant wait to see what I'm going to be when i grow up. Well i thought i would blog about this since not much else is going on in my life, besides school witch is awesome, not really. I'm out later

So Ive been Sick for three days.

Ive have been sick for three days and I'm just now starting to feel a little normal, an i have found out some new things about myself

- Its possible to watch every season of the office in under a day
- season two is and always will be my favorite
- you can live off of diet mountain dew for three days, not recommended but you can
- grilled cheese sandwiches made by my mother are still the best thing in the world and nothing will change that
- i have gotten more sleep than i have ever gotten and it still doesn't make me feel any better
-night Quill is amazing
- sometimes toast with nothing on it is exactly what it is, cardboard
-finally ate normal food, waffles with syrup kinda tasted weird with diet mountain dew
- strange enough id rather be at work
- when you start to hallucinate its time to take a nap
-with a soar throat gargling salt water is never fun but is necessary
- being sick comfortable is not a word its more like manageable

Seth and The Nard Dog do a Mad Lib! (adult content)

Ok here it goes i wanted to do something funny and well i got board at work during a break of course and me and theNard Dog did a mad lib. It was a napoleon dynamite amd lib at that. If you would like to particeipate in a mad lib email me and let me know at sethcarterhasanemail@gmail.com or write and tell me how awesome i really am.

Just Like Napoleon and Pedro, my best freind Tim and I go together like meat and potatoes. We suck together at school; we ride weiners around town, and help eacch other with our chair work. Not only that, but Tim also offers protection. For example , I was recently riding my bike over some very rough wankers near a majestic ravine. I hit one particularly bad beast and went flying in the rowboat, Tim jumped off his octagon and caught me before I could fall off the pisspoor cliff. No one had ever risked thier hairtie to save me like that before. I guess that's what good generators are for. You stick your penis out for each other no matter what the switches are!

yep thats how much fun this can get. lol

yea big deal i pooped my pants.

I have be working out now for almost a year and have lost over 70 pound from when i started. I do mostly cardio, then more cardio, and then more cardio. So what would I do, I would wake up at 4 or 5 in he morning and walk for hours until i had to leave for work. I'm very proud of myself for this. Well that said there was one morning that it seemed that anything that could happen it would and here it goes.

It was around 4:30 and kind cold, I had my usual walking cloths on a hoodie jogging pants stocking hat and my shoes. So i was either walking or robbing some one. I started off moving pretty good you know feeling good glad to be out getting fresh air then when I come around the corner and take a few steps and i trip and fall on the road. i mean i fell hard and I was flipping out because i really had no idea why I fell. So i get up and dust myself off and keep going. Now any one who knows me well, knows i have horrible sinuses i mean they suck. So the pollen count was up and my sinuses have been bothering me all week, and I'm still walking. I get a couple block away from where i feel at i start feeling sick to my stomach. Well needless to say i think you know whats about to happen. Forget it I'm going to tell you any way. I threw up and I'm not talking a little it was quite a bit. But it wasn't food or the water i had been drinking it was a giant loogie. Ew i know but that's what happen. But i felt sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better after that happen. So I'm coming back around for my second lap. I pass where I fell, then I pass the giant loogie yes it still there. Then i get to this one part where there is a little creek type area, and i got my head phones on I think i was listening to Cool Kids - Gold and a Pager (GREAT SONG) when all of a sudden a fox pops out of the bushes. I kinda stop where I was standing. The fox start coming tword me so i move a little fast away from it, but then it starts moving faster, then i start jogging, it starts jogging. At this point I'm rattled and start running full sprint and the fox just stops and goes back. Now at this point i was probably around 330 - 320, I am dead tired so i decide to head back nut away from the fox. I get started back and I'm about two or three blocks away and yes sure enough i throw up another giant loogie. I finally get home and take a shower and after my shower i just sit and think about what the hell just happen to me. So after all of that I decided not to walk in my neighborhood anymore. I walk other places without foxes lol.

Because Bill is my friend!

When i was young my mom asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up and I told her i wanted to be an army man, she said "well go to school great and education and you can be an army man". The I said "no i don't wanna be that i want to be a police man", she said "well go to school get a good education and you can be a police man". Then i said "no I want to be a fireman, she said "well got to school and get a good education and you can be a fireman". Then I said "no I wanna be a garbage man when i grown up", she said "well go to school get a good education and you can be a garbage man". Then i said "Mom i wanna be stupid". I would like to let everyone know that I'm just living the dream!

red bull and powerboats

There have been many many weird things that have happen to me. I seem to attract strange happenings. But the weirdest thing i have ever seen in my life was a guy wearing a halo neck thingy and he was driving a four wheeler. Many thing ran threw my head at the time when i saw it, but what really made me laugh was when he turned around the see the cars behind him that was just the funnest thing ever. He had to turn his whole body around to see what was behind him, and do you think he stopped, Ummmmmmmmm no he kept on moving. Wow, it got me thinking how he got hurt in the first place. Was he doing what he was doing right now and hit a bump and fell off because he didn't learn his lesson. Maybe he fell off his horse and felt this was safer. It could of been a wind surfing accident. what ever it was i enjoyed it very much, and would like to thank him for doing something silly like that!

but i dont wanna.

Something really funny happen to me valentines night. I went out with some friend nothing romantic just something to do since we were all single and nothing was going on. We went to our usual place Three Crow Bar nothing face but a fun place to go to hang out. I recommend it if your ever in the East Nashville area. So we are there having fun cracking jokes nothing to crazy just the norm. When all of a sudden the waitress come up to me and hands me a drink and say here this woman bout this for you. Well i was amazed at first but shit ill take a free drink plus I don't think any one would put the date rape drug in my drink, well you never know. So i looked at the lady and nodded thank you. She kinda had this look of concern and started walking towards me and when she got next to me she said " um I'm sorry but that drink was meant for the guy over there" the only thing I could say was " wow that's too bad he seems nice", asshole move maybe, but the lesson learned is grow a pair and go talk to someone do just send them a drink because some jackass could get it by accident and drink it.

We dont need no stinking badges.

I know the tittle is double negative, shut up.

Im 26 and as i reflect at the jobs i have had I cant help but think, damn i have had a lot of diffrent job doing a lot of diffrent things. My first job was at Sport Seasons in rivergat mall. Man did that job suck butt. I got paid like a nickle a hour, but the store discount was awsome. I had a manager there named lance he was an angry nome. he still works there you should stop by and gowk at him, he is the short bald guy. Then there was the stint at the Levi store, where i work with the to biggest tools ever. But they wernt the same type of tool they were very two diffrent tools. One was, or at least thought he was a cowboy, so i would always asking cowboy questions. Like what kind of gun is best for robbing trains or when your at a bar and you want a beer and someone spits on your boot are you suppose to slap his mother or marry his sister. Just any kind of stupid question with maybe two words having to do with cowboys. The olther thought he was God's Gift to the world to everyone. So to mess with him i would always bow when he entered the room now matter what i was doing or what i had in my hands. It would piss him off especially if i had his lunch in my hands. I would also anounce his entrance to the store over the entercome, i got introuble big time. So i always did it.

Just call me Mr. Awsome.

A lot of people don't know this about me but at one point in my life i was a preschool teacher. I was a preschool teacher for about a year and it was the most fun i have ever had at a job. I worked with four year old classroom. I'm not going to say where i worked for reasons all my own.Now a lot of funny things happen but the one story that stand out to me the most is this one.

One day out at the playground i was sitting watching the kids play on the playground when another teacher came and asked me a question and we started to talk. Don't worry there were other teachers watching the kids. There was one kid in my class that i really connected with he thought i was the coolest i and i thought the exact same about him. Well i was talking to the other teacher he came up to me and tyred to get my attention. He said "Mr. Sef, Mr. Sef" ( that what the kids called me they couldn't say Mr. Seth) I told him to hold one one second, but he kept going "Mr. Sef, Mr. Sef" I told him to hold one one more time. He climb up the back side of the picnic table that i was sitting on, so i couldn't see him. He said "Mr. Sef" I said what is it and turned my head. As soon as i got all the way around i was met with a fist to the the temple. This four year old drops me to my knees. It was a flash knockout. He jumps on my back and starts laughing. It was a joke to him, but not really to me because i just got knockout by a four year old. Man i miss that job sometimes.

Like a fat kid finishing first in the 100 yard dash, its not going to happen.

Never ever underestimate the power of the song "Fat Bottom Girls" sang live by 1000000000000000 drunk people and Frank Wycheck. It has the power to move mountains. Well at least 1000000000000000000 drunk people and Frank Wycheck. Sisters birthday was a blast.

But why can't I?

My friend Mike has got to be one of the coolest people in the world he has also got to be the one person i enjoy making laugh more than anything in this world. Why? Well because when he is truly laughing it is a sight to see. But this story isn't about Mike laughing its about Mike almost killing someone and its not sad hell Mike even laughs at it now. Well at least i think he does.

Me, Mike, and well lets just say it was me and Mike were at a party at R.W. house and we were just hanging out having fun. I was being my usually loud and crazy self and Mike was just hanging out. We knew a lot of people the mostly people i hung out with when i was in high school and now we are all in college and just hanging out. Well one of the people i hung out with in H.S. was there and we will just call him J.G. was there and he was starting to get on Mike's nerves and he was getting uneasy. J.G. kept nagging him and nagging and wouldn't stop you could actually see Mike starting to get pissed off and was uneasy. The J.G. said something really dumb to Mike. He said " Me and you man see man me and you are the same we are just alike" witch was a far from the truth as possible. I haven't see a person almost rip the soul out of another many times but Mike almost did. He don't like hearing bullshit to ofter and he hit his limit that night and so they start arguing. They star bickering and the only thing i could hear before it got broke up was Mike saying this " You know why i don't like you, because when you were in elementary school you wore Nike's and when i was in elementary school i wore voit's and I'm still bitter about that shit bitch" greatest quote ever right there every time i hear that it still makes me smile.

Wel that was uncalled for.

Now i wouldn't say I'm a raging alcoholic or anything like that. I am actually proud of myself on the fact that i have slowed my drinking down as much as i have. I used to be really bad. So know here is a look back at one of the dumbest things i have ever said while well you know.

Back in the day i used to frequent a bar called Mulligan's. Its a great place good drinks good music just a nice atmosphere. Well i was there with a group of people that i don't really talk to any more so i don't really feel bad about saying what i said. i was there hanging out doing what i do and just being my stupid self. Drinking my beer and having the occasional Irish car bomb. Witch is a glass of Guinness and a shot of baileys Irish cream mixed with whiskey. It calls for a wicked good time. Well this particular night i was enjoying my time there to say the least. Now there isn't much i can do very well, I can make people laugh, I can ship dental suppllies, and i can drink really really fast. Its almost ridiculous how fast i can drink. I'm not proud of it, but ill run with it. So that night the people i was with were talking about a friend they had was faster than me and she paid her was threw college out drinking guys twice my size and bla bla bla. Well the more the night went on the more they kept talking and the more they got on my nerves. So finally a pound my last beer down and they say some smart comment and I ask them well where is she them they proceed to tell me how she died three years ago and other stuff i forget and how she would drink faster than me and made me look like a bitch. When there are done i look at both of them and say this. ** Warning this is really dumb and don't for get the state of mind I'm in** I say " well go dig the bitch up and tell her lets go". Yes that exactly word for word what i told the without a flinch. I'm not proud by any means for what i said but after that they left me alone. It might of been for that or for some other stuff i called them out on. all i know is thank god i slowed down.

King of the appla.

When someone looks you in the eye and says "you know in retrospect my hindsight is 20-20" You look them in the eye and say "flabgabba goob" and stab them in the head with a pencil.Or at least thats what i wanted to do. Why say flabgabba goob because that makes and much since as what they said.

Family Photo.

Today i was sitting in my class waiting for it to start, and while i was i was listing to a pod cast from the moth. For those of you who don't know what the moth is look it up i wont tell you themoth.org its awesome and you should check it out i love it. i was listing to this guy tell a story about his last family photo. It got me thinking about mine.

Not that long ago, I think it was my sisters idea, we took a family photo with my moms side and my dad side of the family. it was a big deal since we were all getting older and about to start our own families. Well at the time i believe i was in the third or almost the third year in a relationship to a girl who would later become my fiance, and at my mother request she was asked to be in the photo. Well fast forward a little and it didn't work out. I'm not getting into that its a whole other blog. So now there are two family photo with an extra person whom i don't like at all and its safe to say that my family doesn't either. What really bothers me about this is its the last family pictures i have with my grandfathers. It sucks ass. So i just put post-it notes over her face. I guess the message i have here is go to every family gathering you never know when they are going to take a group shot and in family photos make sure all the right people are in there so you wont have a house full of post-it notes.

Don't forget to check out themoth.org

How to remain clam in a burning building.

The summer of 2002 I was visiting my friend Elliot in the boro. it was me, Tid, Aron, i think Greene and chase and some other people. I just can't remember them. We were hanging out doin stupid stuff as we would usually do, when the most outrageous offer ever presented itself to us. Elliot's neighbor walked over with a keg in his hand and said "hey you guys want this, yall can have the beer we just need the keg back and we don't have a pump" he had a party the night before and it was what was left over it was about half full. So of course we took it. Now this is where the challenge presented itself to use. How do we get the beer out? We tryed many different things so many i don't remember all of the but i do remember what worked. What we would do is first shake the keg then take the bottom half of a funnel that we had cut off and shove it in the neck of the keg cosing the beer to spray out, and it would spray all over the place. We collected the beer in a gallon milk jug with the top cut off then we would pour it into a pitcher and place it in the fridge. we did this until all the beer was gone, and yes i was the guy that shook the keg and the guy that would shove the nossel in the neck to get the beer out. If you don't believe me Tid has a video of me doing this with my shirt off. Not most outstanding moment, but it was funny as hell.