Yea im sorry i punched your granny.

I know i know its been to long sinece ive done this and i know im suppose to have huge birthday week special but to be honest i dont remember much and we will just leave it at that. The one thing that i did do that was awesome that i did was i played spades with Mike Rich and Rehab and thats what i really wanted to do it was honestly one of the best birthdays ever thanks, so i know why your here you want a story so here you go. There arnt to many times in my life where im at a loss for words i take that back its pretty much why i started this blog in the first place.

Back in high school i would do what any normal high school kid would do on friday nights i would go to games and hang out and have fun and go out after words. Well during the game me and my friends rick and brando would get board and play a game. well it wasnt really a game i was more me acting blind and them going up to people and introducing them to me. I know im a bad person what can i say it helped the time go by. People were always super nice to me, I mean if i was really blind i would of never felt offended. i even think some one bought me a hot dog and a coke one time, and there might of been some pictures. Yes we did tell some people i wasnt that was aways funny but some people we just left hannging out in lala land it was great. So after about a football season of this it got back to my mpother that i was acting blind at football games. See i didnt go to school there i went to church with people that went there so it eventually got back to her. She didnt get mad or anyhting she just said "so your blind huh?" in passing one day she thought it was funny but let me know that it might not be that funny to blind people. And true it wasnt but at the time it was funny as hell to me so we did it a couple of more times even did it a some tennis matches. It all kinda stopped when brando introduced me to a girl and i accedntly stuck my fingure up her nose she kinda got freaked out so it was funny.

Time to nut up or shut up!

the absolutely funniest thing in the history of life happen the other day. Well maybe not the history of life but it was pretty damn close. It was kinda like seeing a unicorn it was something that happen and the timing was just right to make it amazing. What happen you ask well this is what happen.

Last Sunday i was at dug's parents house watching football. They put together a good group of food and people to watch football and hang out. So its the end of the titans game and me dug and Tyler decide to go throw football to wast time in between games. its going pretty good nothing to Fancy then one of the group comes out to throw with us. He is cool hung out with him plenty of Times to know he aight, i do feel bad, i can remember his name to save my life though. Its going good then the group of i would say high school aged boy that are there come up and throw with us. Now there are tow at the end with me and Tyler and one went down with dug and the other guy. The one down there is jumping right into it. I would say showing off a lil bit. Not enough to get on any ones nerves. then i notice the guy say something to dug. The only thing that goes off in my head when i see this is " holy shit this is going to be good" . Tyler has the ball and dug points up as if to say "hey friend lob this one up for you friend" and Tyler nods as if to say " sure pal, anything for a friend" and Tyler hums that mofo. Now for those who may not know what "Tyler humms that mofo" means, it means Tyler threw the ball really freaking hard i could hear the wind come off of it. So the kid jumps for the ball and dug grabs the bottom of his shorts and his shorts come down. Now the kid has a choice to make go for the ball or go for the shorts. Guess what he did? That's right he went for the shorts. Hear is some advice if you ever find yourself with this choice. Go for the ball, go for the ball, GO FOR THE FREAKING BALL. Because he went for the shorts and the ball hit him right in the face causing him to fall down in the yard with his shorts down around his ankles. At this point me and Tyler are laughing so hard we are hugging each other to hold each other up. It was insane how funny this was. The kid was OK and we knew it so calm down. He was a good sport to, rolled over and with blood coming out of his nose looked at dug and said "payback is a bitch dug". So after he left I tyred to convince dug to send balloons to his school with a card that read. "Roses are red, Violets are blue, your eye is black, Boo whoo. Hope your face feels better, Cordially Dug" So he could be two up on the kid. But dug said no sadly and he felt real bad about it. So me and Tyler made him feel worse about it. hahahahaha Great Day!!!!!!!!

I told my mom no pickles, GOSH!

So there are a lot of thing I'm not proud of, the night i stole Christmas was not one of the things im not proud of. This was truly a night i will tell everyone i meet, it just to damn funny.



I met some guys at a friends house and we all decide to ride to another friends house where more people were hanging out at. So i catch a ride with Tid and Chase (two funny funny people) We get to this guys house and it this first time Ive been here and everyone is hanging out in the basement. we walk in and dang this is pretty cool big screen TV and a PS two (yea it was that long ago that a PS two was cool) we goofed off and played games cracked jokes. Until this guy names Pace challenges me to a game of chess. Now if you know me the is one thing for sure I'm not the sharpest knife in the kitchen, so why in the hell would i play chess. Because Pace get on my nerves an he i just as dumb as me so game on bitches. Watching us play at first is Tid and chase, we all start drinking from the antique coke machine that they had. By the end of the second game everyone is watching us and all the coke is out of the machine. Three people drank every coke in the machine. Needless to say the owner was not to pleased at all. So the party breaks up and everyone goes there separate ways except for me, chase, and Tid. Its December and where we are there are a lot of decorations out in peoples yards. I holler at Tid to pull over he think i got to pee or something but no i take off running and i take all the candy canes in the yard and run back to the car and i fall trying to run up a hill, let the fun begin, i think it was like 5 or 6. I get back to the car and everyone is getty with joy and we are laughing really hard. We don't get two blocks when chase says stop the car and Tid does and he shoots out of the car and snatches up half the damn yard. I was amazed but chase did play football and could run like a deer. He get back to the car with at least 10 or fifteen different things. I was topped and i couldn't let this happen. We go maybe two houses down and i yell stop Tid does and the yard is full of crap except and all three of us get out and grab all we can by the end of this at least 10 - 15 yard are missing their decorations, and they are in Tid's car. I know what your asking yourself why would i do such a thing and what the hell did you do with all the decorations? Well had all had about 20 cokes each in like a hour period so we where jacked up and mix it with adrenaline and we were turbo jacked, and the best part about it all was was put in my friend Dug parent's yard. It was amazing the sight of the what was 10 - 15 yards worth of Christmas decorations. Yes i stole Christmas and it was fun. Wait that sounds really bad.

awwwww Mom said bullshit

There was a period in my life where i was extremely accident prone. It was a ruff time, but we got threw it. So with that said here is a story about a trip to the ER!

It was December and i had been 14 for two months now. I hurt my ankle earlier in the week during some exercises in gym class at the good ol Neely's Bend Middle School. My dad had taken me to the doctor before but know he was getting kind of irritated about the whole situation. So we went to the ER at the TCMC. We get there and get checked in, the doctor there sees me, tells me what me and my dad thought i have a broke ankle and we get an appointment to go get a cast. Here is where the story starts to get a little cooky. We get done and me and my dad are walking out and he says wait here I'm going to go get the truck. Well I could of made this easy by just waiting there and getting in the truck and going home that could be were the story ended but no it couldn't be that simple. My dad walks off and I'm standing there and I see the coke machines and I think to myself hmmm i wonder if there is any lose change in those coke machines so i can buy me a coke. Bad move on my part. I go in there ( I'm on crutches at this point) I check the first one and the last thing i remember is waking up and asking my mom what did the put in and what did they take out. The reason is because a month earlier i had my appendix taken out (crazy i know). What I was told that happen was I passed out falling backward and put my head threw the wall. Craziness i know. My mom says i kept waking up and asking her the same questions over and over then i would pass out. The questions were What did the take out and what did they put in and what did you get me for Christmas. I know i must not of been that bed but my mom was freaking out because the nurse told he that To make sure i wasn't repeating my self , because if i was it probably meant i had a serious concussion. ( i didn't have one). Everything was OK and i was ready to go home but this time the wheeled me out in a wheelchair so i couldn't pass out on the floor again. Oh yea i forgot i had the flu while all this was going on.

Why yes I am happy to see you and yes that is a bananna in my pocket.

I talked about in earlyer blogs how i used to be a pre-school teacher and i guess another funny story or thing i used to do involved the DHS lady.

Every so often we would have a visit from the DHS lady. She was an older hispanic woman and fairly atractive. Everyone would get nervous when she showed up, not me though I was never worried about here i would just alaways do what i did, whitch wasnt always what i was suppose to do tehe.She would never right me up though, probubly because i would flirt my ass off with here, never anything more lets get this clear because I had a Girlfriend and that shit is a no no with me. So she would ask me questions about the kids and i would answer them with the dumbest questions ever. Here is an example, DHS lady: What time did you wash the childern's hands Mr. Seth , Mr. Seth: Wow DHS Lady you smell amazing, and your shoes wow. , DHS Lady: Oh why thank you Mr. Seth its a new fragrance I'm trying. , Mr Seth: well its devine. DHS Lady: Oh thank you. Then she would leave me alone and our room would be cool. So either she thought I was hot or really really slow.

Either way it save my ass many many many many many of time.

yea big deal i pooped my pants.

I have be working out now for almost a year and have lost over 70 pound from when i started. I do mostly cardio, then more cardio, and then more cardio. So what would I do, I would wake up at 4 or 5 in he morning and walk for hours until i had to leave for work. I'm very proud of myself for this. Well that said there was one morning that it seemed that anything that could happen it would and here it goes.

It was around 4:30 and kind cold, I had my usual walking cloths on a hoodie jogging pants stocking hat and my shoes. So i was either walking or robbing some one. I started off moving pretty good you know feeling good glad to be out getting fresh air then when I come around the corner and take a few steps and i trip and fall on the road. i mean i fell hard and I was flipping out because i really had no idea why I fell. So i get up and dust myself off and keep going. Now any one who knows me well, knows i have horrible sinuses i mean they suck. So the pollen count was up and my sinuses have been bothering me all week, and I'm still walking. I get a couple block away from where i feel at i start feeling sick to my stomach. Well needless to say i think you know whats about to happen. Forget it I'm going to tell you any way. I threw up and I'm not talking a little it was quite a bit. But it wasn't food or the water i had been drinking it was a giant loogie. Ew i know but that's what happen. But i felt sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better after that happen. So I'm coming back around for my second lap. I pass where I fell, then I pass the giant loogie yes it still there. Then i get to this one part where there is a little creek type area, and i got my head phones on I think i was listening to Cool Kids - Gold and a Pager (GREAT SONG) when all of a sudden a fox pops out of the bushes. I kinda stop where I was standing. The fox start coming tword me so i move a little fast away from it, but then it starts moving faster, then i start jogging, it starts jogging. At this point I'm rattled and start running full sprint and the fox just stops and goes back. Now at this point i was probably around 330 - 320, I am dead tired so i decide to head back nut away from the fox. I get started back and I'm about two or three blocks away and yes sure enough i throw up another giant loogie. I finally get home and take a shower and after my shower i just sit and think about what the hell just happen to me. So after all of that I decided not to walk in my neighborhood anymore. I walk other places without foxes lol.

let me go ahead and apologize ahead of time (adult content)

I've been to Knoxville plenty of times to realize that I would have failed miserably if i tried to go there, so like a smart person i just visited friend that attended there and yes there are plenty of good stories that came from my visits.On one visit Mike and I went up for the UGA game it was awesome. Georgia smashed them but that's not where the story is even though in that game Georgia ran back a 98 yard fumble. Its what happen after the game that made this trip magical.

We arrive in Knoxville and the smell of liquor hits my face like a brick, Mike looks at me and says this will be the best trip ever, and i agree. We show up to my friend Dug's apartment with a bag of clothes and a bottle of liquor each. Mike went with E & J and I went with Absolute, and we could of wet with the small bottles but noooooooooooooooooooo we went with the big boys. This was going to be a fun night to say the least. We get to the apartment and get started or at least catch up. The rest of the night is kinda a bler with flashes of stupid stuff we did like when Brando showed up after the game explaining about how he ran from the stadium and how he snuck liquor in by taping zip locked bags to his legs lol. Another one was when Mike was walking to the store to get some more drink and the helicopter hit him with the spot lite and he came back and we asked him why he same back and all he would say is "the helicopter caught me, freaking commies.". Or there was the breaking glass incident when me and dug were talking a really attractive girl way to pretty for me, and i mean WAY to pretty for me, or even Dug ( he is my pretty friend, and I'm not ashamed to admit it). So we are talking and i have had one, two, ten to many and I say something along the lines about how big Dug is ( I've herd rumors, but never positively confirmed this) and smash my glass cup on the ground and run off. Why would I do such a thing you ask, because I was batman and when your batman when you want to leave a situation you gotta got out like batman and distract everyone when you leave, so i smashed a glass on the ground and scampered off. There was also the time that dug called a beeper to come pick him up but he didn't show for three hours and when he did i was the only one outside and i made him take me to the store to get some more drink, so yes i posed as a frat boy for ten min. The Vic and Bill's incident was a good one Dug wanted to take us and it was late and we were hungry so we went. We get there and its packed, but we find a booth and we sit down dug get our food order for us so we are all three waiting at our booth when all of a sudden this girl come and sits down next to me and just starts talking to us like she has been there the whole time, but she hasn't and she is getting on my nerves because she wont shut up and she is obviously flirting with Dug and her gay friend is creeping me out big time. So I look at her and ask I'm my most sobering voice "UMMM are we going to make out or what?" She politely answers " Oh my god, no way ugh" so i nicely say " the get the f**** out of my booth stupid" when her gay friend say " damn girl he told you" and I laugh at her. then when we exit Vic and Bills there are two girls having trouble finding there cell phone and ask us to help them find it its in there car so we do. Then all of a sudden two large black me walk up and say very nicely
"what the hell are yall doing" dug quickly defuses the situation that I made easy because I kept shouting we are on the same team because I noticed that they were Georgia fans. So we finally get home and lay down for bed and i pass out immediately. I'm sleeping like a baby when to guys enter the room and wake me up by shaking my leg and calling me dug. they turn on the lights and say "your not dug" when i say "na duh what the hell are you guys" and they say "who the hell are you" this wen on for ten min and i can't help but notice that they have just shaved there heads with razors, how do you know that you may ask, well i can tell because the have cuts in there heads and are bleeding slightly in different areas on there heads. We finally figure out we are both friends of Dug's and I go back to sleep. This was just the first night. WOW!

Because Bill is my friend!

When i was young my mom asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up and I told her i wanted to be an army man, she said "well go to school great and education and you can be an army man". The I said "no i don't wanna be that i want to be a police man", she said "well go to school get a good education and you can be a police man". Then i said "no I want to be a fireman, she said "well got to school and get a good education and you can be a fireman". Then I said "no I wanna be a garbage man when i grown up", she said "well go to school get a good education and you can be a garbage man". Then i said "Mom i wanna be stupid". I would like to let everyone know that I'm just living the dream!

red bull and powerboats

There have been many many weird things that have happen to me. I seem to attract strange happenings. But the weirdest thing i have ever seen in my life was a guy wearing a halo neck thingy and he was driving a four wheeler. Many thing ran threw my head at the time when i saw it, but what really made me laugh was when he turned around the see the cars behind him that was just the funnest thing ever. He had to turn his whole body around to see what was behind him, and do you think he stopped, Ummmmmmmmm no he kept on moving. Wow, it got me thinking how he got hurt in the first place. Was he doing what he was doing right now and hit a bump and fell off because he didn't learn his lesson. Maybe he fell off his horse and felt this was safer. It could of been a wind surfing accident. what ever it was i enjoyed it very much, and would like to thank him for doing something silly like that!

but i dont wanna.

Something really funny happen to me valentines night. I went out with some friend nothing romantic just something to do since we were all single and nothing was going on. We went to our usual place Three Crow Bar nothing face but a fun place to go to hang out. I recommend it if your ever in the East Nashville area. So we are there having fun cracking jokes nothing to crazy just the norm. When all of a sudden the waitress come up to me and hands me a drink and say here this woman bout this for you. Well i was amazed at first but shit ill take a free drink plus I don't think any one would put the date rape drug in my drink, well you never know. So i looked at the lady and nodded thank you. She kinda had this look of concern and started walking towards me and when she got next to me she said " um I'm sorry but that drink was meant for the guy over there" the only thing I could say was " wow that's too bad he seems nice", asshole move maybe, but the lesson learned is grow a pair and go talk to someone do just send them a drink because some jackass could get it by accident and drink it.

We dont need no stinking badges.

I know the tittle is double negative, shut up.

Im 26 and as i reflect at the jobs i have had I cant help but think, damn i have had a lot of diffrent job doing a lot of diffrent things. My first job was at Sport Seasons in rivergat mall. Man did that job suck butt. I got paid like a nickle a hour, but the store discount was awsome. I had a manager there named lance he was an angry nome. he still works there you should stop by and gowk at him, he is the short bald guy. Then there was the stint at the Levi store, where i work with the to biggest tools ever. But they wernt the same type of tool they were very two diffrent tools. One was, or at least thought he was a cowboy, so i would always asking cowboy questions. Like what kind of gun is best for robbing trains or when your at a bar and you want a beer and someone spits on your boot are you suppose to slap his mother or marry his sister. Just any kind of stupid question with maybe two words having to do with cowboys. The olther thought he was God's Gift to the world to everyone. So to mess with him i would always bow when he entered the room now matter what i was doing or what i had in my hands. It would piss him off especially if i had his lunch in my hands. I would also anounce his entrance to the store over the entercome, i got introuble big time. So i always did it.

Just call me Mr. Awsome.

A lot of people don't know this about me but at one point in my life i was a preschool teacher. I was a preschool teacher for about a year and it was the most fun i have ever had at a job. I worked with four year old classroom. I'm not going to say where i worked for reasons all my own.Now a lot of funny things happen but the one story that stand out to me the most is this one.

One day out at the playground i was sitting watching the kids play on the playground when another teacher came and asked me a question and we started to talk. Don't worry there were other teachers watching the kids. There was one kid in my class that i really connected with he thought i was the coolest i and i thought the exact same about him. Well i was talking to the other teacher he came up to me and tyred to get my attention. He said "Mr. Sef, Mr. Sef" ( that what the kids called me they couldn't say Mr. Seth) I told him to hold one one second, but he kept going "Mr. Sef, Mr. Sef" I told him to hold one one more time. He climb up the back side of the picnic table that i was sitting on, so i couldn't see him. He said "Mr. Sef" I said what is it and turned my head. As soon as i got all the way around i was met with a fist to the the temple. This four year old drops me to my knees. It was a flash knockout. He jumps on my back and starts laughing. It was a joke to him, but not really to me because i just got knockout by a four year old. Man i miss that job sometimes.

Like a fat kid finishing first in the 100 yard dash, its not going to happen.

Never ever underestimate the power of the song "Fat Bottom Girls" sang live by 1000000000000000 drunk people and Frank Wycheck. It has the power to move mountains. Well at least 1000000000000000000 drunk people and Frank Wycheck. Sisters birthday was a blast.

But why can't I?

My friend Mike has got to be one of the coolest people in the world he has also got to be the one person i enjoy making laugh more than anything in this world. Why? Well because when he is truly laughing it is a sight to see. But this story isn't about Mike laughing its about Mike almost killing someone and its not sad hell Mike even laughs at it now. Well at least i think he does.

Me, Mike, and well lets just say it was me and Mike were at a party at R.W. house and we were just hanging out having fun. I was being my usually loud and crazy self and Mike was just hanging out. We knew a lot of people the mostly people i hung out with when i was in high school and now we are all in college and just hanging out. Well one of the people i hung out with in H.S. was there and we will just call him J.G. was there and he was starting to get on Mike's nerves and he was getting uneasy. J.G. kept nagging him and nagging and wouldn't stop you could actually see Mike starting to get pissed off and was uneasy. The J.G. said something really dumb to Mike. He said " Me and you man see man me and you are the same we are just alike" witch was a far from the truth as possible. I haven't see a person almost rip the soul out of another many times but Mike almost did. He don't like hearing bullshit to ofter and he hit his limit that night and so they start arguing. They star bickering and the only thing i could hear before it got broke up was Mike saying this " You know why i don't like you, because when you were in elementary school you wore Nike's and when i was in elementary school i wore voit's and I'm still bitter about that shit bitch" greatest quote ever right there every time i hear that it still makes me smile.

Wel that was uncalled for.

Now i wouldn't say I'm a raging alcoholic or anything like that. I am actually proud of myself on the fact that i have slowed my drinking down as much as i have. I used to be really bad. So know here is a look back at one of the dumbest things i have ever said while well you know.

Back in the day i used to frequent a bar called Mulligan's. Its a great place good drinks good music just a nice atmosphere. Well i was there with a group of people that i don't really talk to any more so i don't really feel bad about saying what i said. i was there hanging out doing what i do and just being my stupid self. Drinking my beer and having the occasional Irish car bomb. Witch is a glass of Guinness and a shot of baileys Irish cream mixed with whiskey. It calls for a wicked good time. Well this particular night i was enjoying my time there to say the least. Now there isn't much i can do very well, I can make people laugh, I can ship dental suppllies, and i can drink really really fast. Its almost ridiculous how fast i can drink. I'm not proud of it, but ill run with it. So that night the people i was with were talking about a friend they had was faster than me and she paid her was threw college out drinking guys twice my size and bla bla bla. Well the more the night went on the more they kept talking and the more they got on my nerves. So finally a pound my last beer down and they say some smart comment and I ask them well where is she them they proceed to tell me how she died three years ago and other stuff i forget and how she would drink faster than me and made me look like a bitch. When there are done i look at both of them and say this. ** Warning this is really dumb and don't for get the state of mind I'm in** I say " well go dig the bitch up and tell her lets go". Yes that exactly word for word what i told the without a flinch. I'm not proud by any means for what i said but after that they left me alone. It might of been for that or for some other stuff i called them out on. all i know is thank god i slowed down.

King of the appla.

When someone looks you in the eye and says "you know in retrospect my hindsight is 20-20" You look them in the eye and say "flabgabba goob" and stab them in the head with a pencil.Or at least thats what i wanted to do. Why say flabgabba goob because that makes and much since as what they said.

How to remain clam in a burning building.

The summer of 2002 I was visiting my friend Elliot in the boro. it was me, Tid, Aron, i think Greene and chase and some other people. I just can't remember them. We were hanging out doin stupid stuff as we would usually do, when the most outrageous offer ever presented itself to us. Elliot's neighbor walked over with a keg in his hand and said "hey you guys want this, yall can have the beer we just need the keg back and we don't have a pump" he had a party the night before and it was what was left over it was about half full. So of course we took it. Now this is where the challenge presented itself to use. How do we get the beer out? We tryed many different things so many i don't remember all of the but i do remember what worked. What we would do is first shake the keg then take the bottom half of a funnel that we had cut off and shove it in the neck of the keg cosing the beer to spray out, and it would spray all over the place. We collected the beer in a gallon milk jug with the top cut off then we would pour it into a pitcher and place it in the fridge. we did this until all the beer was gone, and yes i was the guy that shook the keg and the guy that would shove the nossel in the neck to get the beer out. If you don't believe me Tid has a video of me doing this with my shirt off. Not most outstanding moment, but it was funny as hell.

Yes I shot the Dog.

A lot of dumb shit happens to me in my life. So much so its not believable at all. So I have decided to catalog all the dumb, silly, stupid, and down right awesome things that happens to me, my friends, and family in this blog. I will not use real names so my friends and family will be safe from any harassment that may come there way because of this blog. So thank you fro reading and enjoy the car wreck that has become my life.